The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I knew better before I even said it but, said it anyways. I gave my AH the choice of being married to me or the drink. Of course, he chose the drink. I knew he would but hoped he wouldn't. I am not financially prepared to throw out ultimatums. That was one day last month. In the meantime, I've gotten a second job. He's not talking to me unless absolutely necessary (he's not a big talker sober either).
I don't want to talk to the kids. One has a young family, one newly wed. I don't want to dampen their happiness. So, I talk to my dog. My 5 lb Chihuahua mix. She's 7. Been talking to her since I got her. It's usually just me and her around here. She understands alot of words. People ask me why she's so smart. I tell them it's because I don't have anyone else to talk to. Was half tempted to hit the town tonight but yeah, I've ignored my friends for so long, they've moved on. Most would just want to go to a bar or club. Dancing would be fun but I can't handle the smoke and don't want to be around the drinking.
I think I will make use of my gym membership. Let's see, 2 jobs, gym, shower, call and see how the kids and grands are doing, go to bed, that sounds like a full day. It should take care of the bored. Guess I''ll just have to get used to the lonely.
Sounds like a page out of my old story ceptin' I started taking suggestions and got in a lot of face to face meetings to balance it all out. The dog was a black Cocker named "Stormy" (appropriate for the relationship I was having at home) and he could understand well what was going on at the time without ever being at a meeting LOL. Grateful for the program and all the recovering people and the fun that came back into my life. Still taking that suggestion and now have a huge family of sane and sober people in my life. We get together and socialize quite a bit. Wouldn't have it any way. Give it a try. "It works if you work it!!"
Yeah, I also talk with my animals A LOT, and they are excellent listeners. I can't go along with their suggestions on conflict resolution (biting, goring, pecking, flailing) though. I seriously believe they are close to God, but I needed the folks in Alanon to tell me something besides "Quit complaining and heat butt him. Now feed me." :D
I'm real isolated, too, and physically as I live in the country. I've had to work at finding and keeping good people around me. I've got a few and I'm open to many more.
Tonight it really hit me how I'm still "in hiding", and how much I truly need other people I can connect with. I'm a female living in the country with her city boy son. Until I can take care of the stuff my A used to take care of, I need help! Whoa, did I really say that????
And you know coming here with your thoughts and experiences will bring a warm welcome to keep coming back and sharing. When the dog doesn't feel like listening, there's always someone here :) .
Hello Ned said I assume tht you are not attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself , I hope u consider doing so . with or with out him you too need to recover from this disease. Once settled in our program you are never alone again unless of course u choose to be. You will meet friends who have been where your at and who completely understand how u are feeling . a gift . Your worth the effort , find recovery for yourself so that u can move on with your life . Your worth the effort . Louise
Give yourself some time, time and patience. When I first separated, I was afraid to do anything alone. Today, I love my own company and go to anything, with or without friends. I found program people to be the best type of company. What began as a coffee ended up lunch and sometimes things to do together.
Yesterday, I went to see "No Reservations" which was awesome and then I went into the city to listen to a free concert. I was noticing how many others were alone as well. I had an absolute ball all by myself.
keep coming and get to a meeting if you haven't yet, Maria123
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I also talk to my cat who just looks at me like...what is she doing...Anyway look for your inner peace. I have found it and hope I never loose it again. Look for the positive things in your life, be thankful for all you have. I know when you change your attitude about your A...because you can't change him ....things will get better.
Hi guys, My dog Margo is my heart. That's her picture to the left. The cool thing about animals is that they ALWAYS practice "live and let live". They also depend on you for just about everything, so you can let your hidden, inner enabler go to town on them! They actually appreciate the things you do for them, instead of criticizing or asking you to do more. One of my favorite sayings is "I aspire to be the person my dog thinks I am." I think we're all aspiring to that! Take care, Marion (and Margo!)
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Vocatus atque non vocatus, Deus aderit ("Bidden or not bidden, God is present") - Erasmus
