OMG it was a long drive  
  I went to an al anon meeting. I was feeling so guilty! It was like I was "little Sarah" and I was being a "bad girl" all over again. I felt this compulsion to tell my parents "I'm going for a job interview with the Americorps in Indy. I'm really excited." And I had to remember the whole hardware store/bread idea--my parents would've been like "why are you leaving us?!" "why would they hire someone like you?!" "how dare you go into the americorps?!"
 The traffic was terrible--apparently there's a big race this weekend. And of course, I mean does this happen to any one else? I hope so, I got lost I was so nervous. I found the office and all, and the interview went great. I mean, the hardest part was when the person who would be my immediate supervisor said "I'm really interested in your motivational statement--you say you understand what it's like to 'slip through the cracks.' Would you say more?" So I did--I said what it was like growing up in the alcholic home and waiting for the state "to rescue me," and they never did, and being so angry, and then coming into recovery, and having my parents go nuts. And it was like I didn't have to say anything after I said "My parents have never gotten sober.." he just knew the rest of the story. You could just look into his eyes and tell. And he just sat there and nodded as I expressed how it took me working with y'all and the steps and everything to let go of the feeling that I needed saving and all. And he totally understood
 So of course after it was all over I called my sponsor and she said "Now drive safe and No Second guessing! no obsessing!" I was like "How'd ya know I was doing that?" And she said "Cause ya always do! It could've been the best news in the world, they could've offered you the job on site, and you'd still be obsessing about how you could've done better!"
 Thank god for sponsors.
 So, from here, I fill out more official state/national paper work. Then I mail it back to them. In the mean time, they do a criminal back ground check. I was told by August, mid august at the latest, they would notify me. They said there was no one else applying, so we'll see!  
  The position would be me calling every one of the counties in IN,  and putting together a comprehensive book for the juvenile system  in IN of what facilities are there, what isn't there, what is necessary and whatever else.  This way whenever someone is released from  juvie, we can say with confidence, "on this date you are going to meet with this person at this place to do this. they are expecting you and they will contact us if you do not show up."  I also need to be able to have ways to update the book/list/etcet and make it availible state wide--I hope someone knows how to make a website, god knows I don't.
 I'm really nervous and at the same time, I really want it. But at the same time, I know I can do this. this is something I'm good at and competent at--I've been putting together papers for how long?!   I was told also, however, that just because the immediate site supervisor likes me does not mean that the national co-ordinator will approve my placement., and the individual sites get a stipend of some kind for participating in the Americorps program, so, ultimately he who has the gold makes the rules.  Ahh, the government...beauracracy in action....
   I want to thank all of you who responded yesterday. It meant so much to just know that you all have stood by me in my drama. It's hard to believe 1 year ago I was posting here 2 or 3 times a day b/c I was working with the university to find me a place to live because I had told my mother about the incest--and my  father had decided that he was going to carry out his threat to kill me .  Wow. What a difference a year makes.
 Just wanted to share--and for some of you living with the active disease, please, take my words for what they are worth. Click on my name and read through god knows how many posts.    I'm sure anyone can tell you how *ahem* pleasant I was when I came. Things do change. And, as you can tell, they do get better.