The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Right now the A is housed albeit in a very raw fashion. The place is at is not working out and I am not freaking out. He had yet another accident in the truck last week which plain wore me out for a bit. At the same time I regrouped from that and detached pretty quickly. One way I did that was to just hold myself back on the weekend. He is still drowning on various levels. He is still really spacey and out of it most of the time but I am not taking it personally.
I am also trying to evaluate my options long term, short term, and sort out what they are. I had to jump on the first place I could get for him. I don't want to feel bad about that because he was literally dying on the street.s. His health literally was falling apart. This place isn't that great, its overpriced, the people who are there have their own issues. What seemed like an opportunity is just a way station along the way. Nevertheless its better than where he was.
I'm back to a place where he is very dependent on me emotionally and otherwise. I dont' much like that at the same time I do believe he had a total physical and emotional breakdown of sorts. His Uncle believs that too. I dont' think I am going to solve all this in a day, week, year, month. I do know I feel far far more detached from him than I ever have. I also don't regret helping him. I do know I set limits thse days but I'm not at a point where I'm ready to just dissolve my dealings with him. I know huge tie is the animals and the investment I've put into various issues with him. At the same time I am able to communicate with him sometimes in ways that are better probably than any I have ever been able to muster before.
I know I feel more positive today than I've felt in a really long time. I'm really trying to put together what my options are long term and short term but right now I continue to deal with the A on a regular basis.
One day at a time- you sound clear in your thinking and know where you are at and what you are doing. Good for you. Just keep taking care of yourself and take it day by day- your HP will guide you each day, you can trust that!
Marisie - You are an inspiration to me. You are an amazing person and I hope you realize that. Take care of you and do whatever feels right at the time. One day at a time.
For me, I feel like I am turning my back on my AH and ditching him on his mom, stepdad & grandma. But for me, that is just what I have to do. I have a lot of resentment towards him right now. I feel like he turned his back on me and the kids a long time ago and ruined everything we had worked so hard for during our 14 years of marriage. He shattered my heart and my dreams and I am left picking up the pieces of my own shattered world. I cannot continue to pick up his pieces too - especially when he keeps shattering them again and again.
