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I really lost it with my AH on Friday. I had had a same day surgery procedure, which he took me to, and I slept all day on the couch recovering. When I woke up I went to the fridge to get some iced tea and what do I find but a bottle of vodka. He had promised me two weeks ago that he was quitting and would never bring alcohol in the house again. I lost it totally. I told him I was filing for divorce on Monday that I had had it with him and called him every name in the book. He wound up pouring the bottle out Saturday motning and said he would go to a bar to drink if he wanted a drink. He gave me the old story I've heard a million times before - just wanted to have a couple, wasn't going to get drunk, he knew how much it hurt me, etc. etc. I'm about at the end of my rope and don't know how much more of this I can take.
I don't know of anything you did "wrong". To me, you reacted honestly and emotionally, and that isn't "wrong" at all. Will it help?? Well, that's another story, lol.
I just think we need to keep things in perspective... Living around alcoholism is tough, and it will make you act and react in ways you don't like about yourself.... What are you doing for YOU in all of this? That's the important thing right now....
Take care of you.... Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I have heard the promises so many times that I don't even listen anymore. However, I continue to lose it with my AH every couple of months. A week and a half ago I threw a glass of lemonade in his face and stormed out of the house screaming, "Sometimes I just hate you!"
I encourage you to read the book Getting Them Sober. If you google it you will find several chapters free online. Expectations are a dangerous thing to those of us close to an A. We want to believe that they will keep their word, and we are continually crushed by their broken promises. Until they make the promise for their own sake and no ones else's, is there any hope. I have told my AH that I don't want to hear any more of his plans to get sober, because I am the one who suffers when he doesn't follow through. Actions, not words. He is not sober, but I have gotten off the rollercoaster ride of expectations.
i have been where you are a thousand times before. it may not help you to know that a stranger knows EXACTLY what you feel right now. i have not heard from my husband in five days, i am thinking he is at work, i don't know. usually by now i will have made many phone calls to find out where he is. i would be doing the "is he dead" thing in my head. not so this time. i have slept peacefully for the last five nights. the hardest thing for me has been not to do what i always do. call him, tell him i was worried, angry, where is the pay check ? i have found myself with the phone in my hand, ready to dial, shaking from not dialing, and, then put it down. instead, i have been working on updating my resume`. i have not worked outside the home for many years. i think i will go back to work. and, that too is a different behavior. i am scared. but, i am growing through the pain. if i was to say anything to you it would be this....., go to a face to face alanon meeting, phone an alanon friend, read alanon literature, and, KEEP COMING BACK. IT WORKS If YOU WORK IT , and, YOU ARE WORTH IT.
I think we have all been in that spot. I made mine pour it out too, OR he poured it out as a last ditch effort. I hate it when they lie. That's the sickness alright. I hope you rest and save the argueing for another day. It will be the same situation just different day. Get well soon.
I'm sending you a huge (((((HUG))))) and hope that your out patient surgery went well. Keep getting that rest, and be kind to yourself. When we are sick (physically, lol), tired and run down we don't handle things as well. That is to be expected. We are human. So you probably would have handled it differently on a different day -- forgive yourself and move on. You need to spend this time taking care of yourself.
Once you have healed you may want to make some decisions, but for today, let yourself heal. Ask yourself right now at this moment "how important is it?" You need your rest ... I hope you'll take time to get it.
Well chetch , he is only doing what A 's do , drink . You cannot control his drinking tears don't work , threats don't work ulitmatums don't work , this is a disease and until he says it's over , it's not. Please if your not already going to meetings for yourself find one quick , u need support and u will find it in Al-Anon rooms . You are the only one that u have any control over . It says in our literature that changed attitudes can aide recovery , and unfortuantley they don't mean HIS . they mean ours . ( ticked me off ) but they are absolutley right . The only person u hurt by flying off the handle is yourself , they drink and forget it you on the other hand are beating yourself up for (doing everything wrong ) u are human be gentle with yourself . Broken promises are something we get used to living with a practicing A . lower your expectations and you will not suffer like u are now. good luck Louise
