The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When i first learnt to drive , i was terrified , nervous , and after my first lesson i vowed never to sit in the drivers seat again ... i cried my eyes out cause i was useless , and it took a while for it to click .. and when it did , i was fine .. passed my test first time ... and that's how i felt when i found this site ... would i ever get it ??? 2 weeks have passed since my a b/f moved out , and at first i was sad, angry , nervous , would i be able to cope on my own ? ... even after he left , i had no peace , he would text demanding help with money , food , a tv , and other things he didn't have in his new place . I was exhausted by his constant demands , he would turn up at my home , go through my cupboards looking for things to take , and i was supposed to replace them (even though he earns more than me ) but i refused to be bullied and said NO What finally helped me was the realisation that I did not cause his problem...and i've been repeating the 3c's over and over in my head . I have peace and serenity when he's not here , but stress and nerves when he turns up ... I cried for the first time in 2 weeks last night , because i'd had closure on our relationship .... relief and sadness to some extent . There is no way back .. only forward .... let go and let god finally made sense So yesterday for beginners i had my long hair(half way down my back) cut into a chin length bob ... taken years off me ... amazed at the number of compliments i've had ... and i plan to take up yoga or a course in computing ... so thankyou to everyone here , finally on the rd to recovery ... couldn't have done it without you x
Cytagirl, I'm SO glad to hear how it is working for you. In the middle of a sad, hard situation you have hope and are looking to the future with hope. And you know, there is so much energy to be made by making even small changes -- like your hair!
For what it's worth, I understand the necessity of keeping those 3 C's in mind when dealing with my A, who is also moved out and bullying about getting this and that. The way I see it HE ended the relationship, not me. I stayed willing to work it out for a very long time, but he chose to continue with his bingeing, it was more important to him. So he left, not me. And I agree, it's outrageous to barge in and demand items from you or from me when he's the one who made the decision to "leave". Just more diseased behavior, and you are sad and tired but dang you stood up to him and chased him off.
There never was any way back. I wonder why we humans persist in thinking so. Only forward.
Did you know that cutting your hair is symbolic of loss, losing something very close and cherished? In many cultures the widow cuts her hair off to make her loss a real, visible thing to herself and others. Our losses are important too, especially when they liberate us.
Good for you. You'll like yoga, I was surprised at how much work it was, and how incredible I felt afterward, no matter how clumsily did it.
I totally agree it starts small and before you know it your self comes back full force and BETTER then you've ever been. Congrats. I am so happy for you!! Isn't it awesome when we take a stand for ourselves, we realize that the A really doesn't play that much of a role in our lives and we have been the one's stopping ourselves from growing. I am really really proud of you!!!
