The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Living with an alcoholic we tend to lose ourselves in the tangled web of alcoholism. We are consumed daily by the whereabouts, the actions, the non actions of someone we love, our alcoholic. We obsess , we worry, we fear, we get angry. 24/7 our minds are focussed on the A, and our whole life seems to revolve around this person. We tend to try please, and appease the alcoholic whenever we can. We try at all costs to try to manipulate the situation so that the A will not go out and drink. We do things for the A and not for ourselves. Sound familiar? I did this for years thinking this time, he will find help for himself. By me showing him how much I cared, all in the wrong ways, I slowly became a "nobody", I had lost myself, my self esteem, my soul, and my personality, and became a bitter, whining, wife of an alcoholic. I didnt even know what Iliked anymore. I didnt take care of myself, I started to isolate from family and friends, didnt go out and have fun, in fear my A would come home and I wasnt there. Let me tell you I wasted many years , and all what I thought was the right way to "help" my A, was totally wrong. Now after years in alanon, I can see how many mistakes I had made, I could have been taking care of myself , rather than trying to take care of someone who didnt want to be taken care of. I have to remember that if I dont take care of myself , the A or anyone else will surely not take care of me. Thanks to Alanon, I am now beginning to live again, laugh again, smile again, go out again, and just by taking care of myself, and just because I was rejected by someone else, I can still feel likeable, and enjoy my own company when I need to. I treat myself when needed, I accept my physical appearance, I eat right, and I get the rest I need. I try not to worry about things I have no control over, and I dont live in fear anymore. What have you done to care just for you lately?
Good thinking post. It's been so long since I was at that point in my life with my ah. All I know is I remember when I pulled myself out of it and it was freeing. I hope I don't ever go back to that dark place. For those of you that are there. God Bless and you do pull youself out and its not always so hard. mwah.
You spoke straight to me.....I can see from your post, exactly what I have NOT been doing for me... It was, Him, Him, Him, first and foremost. Ally was just there somewhere.
My self care right now is horrendous. I look after myself appearence wise. Keep myself clean and tidy. But thats about it. My health is not great right now. My eating habits are not great. I dont do much of anything fro ME just now.. I spent more time running to see that the A in my life was okay....
When we "Really" look at ourselves, we can see, just how much time in our lives were taken up by everyone else. And we were just left to get on with it...
This is a good post for me to read today. I "Need" to start looking after "Me"..
Thank you, I needed this also. I haven't been taking care of me, its always where is he, is he going to drink today, will I come home and he will be passed out. I have to start pleasing me. My health is not the best and I can see that I have aged big time over this disease. I need to think more about me and not the situation. Thanks for reminding me.
