The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I wish I could just become an alanon nun. I got a call from an old friend, went on vacation and wouldn't ya know he wants to move in with me. Yes, he's a drunk. Like slurring after 5 pm drunk. I know this is just another lesson to learn. More of what I do, say, expect. How I am attracted to these really screwed up guys. My self esteem, how I treat others, how I change to accomadate others and their feelings just to be liked or loved. How lonley am I? How little faith I have. I fell as soon as this guy called. I have hit my regular meetings but have not talked about him at all (bad sign) I haven't even wanted to come here and confess. Not because of the replies but because I would have to think about the reality of what I am doing, yet again. Comming here and writing it down makes it very real for me. Easier to see what I am doing and what my real motives might be. I can't just laugh at the insainty of doing the same thing expecting a different result. I have to look at why I would even play with this fire. And that is what this is for me. It's like the A "hanging out" in a bar and not drinking, just going for the atmosphere or friendship. Sooner or later the A will drink. Me, sooner or later if I keep hanging with this guy I will wind up right back where I started. And I have worked far too hard to let myself do that to me. AAGGHHH! I said to someone at my meeting tonight that once you have the awareness it never goes away. That is how it worked for me and that made my insaity alot less fun. Glad to be back y'all....going to read some of your ESH and say a prayer that I will get it this time!
Serendipity, Thanks so much for sharing and for "telling" on yourself. That is always tough to do ~ ~ But now that you did ~ don'tya just feel so much better? :::grins::: I'll keep you in my prayers ~
You know I always feel like I relate so well to the alcoholics and I am coming to understand why.... because I am also addicted. But instead of being addicted to alcohol..... I am addicted to drama and if my life is good and calm.... I find ways to create drama. That is what it sounds like you might be doing too.
I know how to deal with drama I've been doing it my entire life for as long as I could remember. It is the 'quiet' times... when things are good that I am most uncomfortable... When is the other shoe gonna drop? What is going to happen when I turn the corner? Holding my breath waiting for "it" to happen so that I know what I need to do.
Take care of you. Glad you posted tonight! Positively, Dee
just remembered what it was I came up with....He doesn't make my life instantly better. Like I am not expecting him to fix me or my life. i realize that it is impossible. I like him, he makes me laugh, but I am still going thru what i am going thru. His presence does not make my life perfect. Jeeze, he's a drunk, his presence it deteremental to my health! anyway, just wanted to share that part of me really thought I was just going to fall in "love". And I didn't.
It's great that you have kept your sense of humor. If we can't laugh at ourselves we miss the best humor in town. Al-Anon nun! I have never heard that before.
You are soooo wide awake as to what is happening that I'll bet that you also know that you can turn around and change it any time you want to. My sponsor told me that when I found out I had made a mistake I was to go back and undo it. Scarey and yet I found he was more right and courageous than I at that time. In time with practice those old compulsive mistakes just kept happ'ning less and less. You are so right about it being your health and that you and only you are responsible for it. I don't think you're gonna find an Al-Anon Convent and if you did I don't think a ruler across the knuckles of an alcoholic would be much more than an additional justification to drink. Just go change your habit. (Habit? get it.) LOL
In an Alanon convent, God the Father would have to be the alcoholic, right?
I was just wondering where the heck you were.
Out doing a little field testing! I am so impressed with how you are wide open to a whole new way of looking at things. That takes courage. Good for you!
I feel ya, Serendipity. I don't know how often I said, if I went back to dating again I'd behave differently, and I never did, at least not really. Mine wasn't related to alcohol, but it was the same idea. I think it was about two things: it's what I knew and was comfortable with, no matter how unhealthy it was, and this time it would turn out differently. Sound kind of like the definition of insanity???
The Alanun idea is a hoot! My A says in his mean times that if things ended with us I'd be with someone else in a flash. He keeps forgetting the months, even years, I wasn't with anyone. I keep telling him that it would be a LONG time before I'd even want to be with anyone else. And it's not because I couldn't imagine being with someone besides him, it's that I'd just want the recuperative time, the peace, for awhile. I bet there are a lot of us who feel that way. You might just have a convent full of sisters!
I like to think that if he doesn't get well and things end somewhere along the way, I'll approach a new relationship differently. Experience tells me I'll have to really pay attention and be willing not to be in my comfort zone to do that. It's never easy, is it, Serendipity? Lots of (((((((hugs))))))) for you!
But now that you did ~ don'tya just feel so much better? :::grins::: I'll keep you in my prayers ~ 
