The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This really made sense when I read it in this book and thought it might hit a cord with a few of us:
To the degree we know that we have something to do with what happens to us. we gain authority, influence, and control over our lives. We see that by changing our attitudes and actions, we can change what happens to us. In a word. WE become accountable. When something happens to you, you can explore it and probably see that you had something to do with its taking place. You either created it, promoted it, or-at the very least-allowed it. (To remember the words, create, promote and allow, just remember C.P.A = accountant= accountability.) 1. Go back in time. We love to begin our "victime stories" at the point "it" starts happening to us-when the you-know-what hits the fan, and the fan is running. You may see that you promised yourself that you were going to do something about it right? 2. What was I pretending not to know? What intuitive flashes did you ignore? We let things slide knowing what's going to happen that night or eventually down the road but yet we ignore it. Why? It's great to take charge once we see that we are responsible for most of the things that are happening to us. True accountability has three parts. First, acknowledge that you have something to do with what's happended. Even if you're not sure what that might be, ask youself, "How might I have created, promoted, or allowed this?" The answer may surprise you. Second, explore your response options. IN other words, become response-able. Third, take a corrective action. The more accountability you found at the first step, the more corrective action you may wnat to take. Here's what I really thought was cool about this... On the other hand, your corrective action might be getting out of the way and letting those who are more accoutable than you take care of things!! (like our ah's) And remember: you create, promote, or allow all the GOOD things that happen to you, too.
Just wanted to share. I believe it works this way. Do you?
Friend, Thanks for sharing this! I am usually super accountable.... too much so in that I take responsibility (or blame) for others actions.
The only place I get "stuck" with this concept is when I recall being abused at the age of 7 all the way through my teen years by my father. How - on earth is a 7 year old "accountable" for that happening?
When I ask my sponsor - she, well there is a ton more to that story that I don't need to share here... but a child is not accountable and is indeed a victim at that point.
But like my sponsor is helping me to slowly come to realize... I was a victim then but I am choosing to remain a vicitm now by holding on to that role. So - as I work my way through step 4 ... doing my fear and anger inventories.. I am hoping to move further away from the victim role which apparently has cloaked me so well in a very strange and dark sense of "comfort" - it is what I know and I'm used to I guess.
