The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When I first came into the program it was hard enough realizing that I had to make amends. Huh? You mean, I grew up in an alcholic family, was abused and so on and so forth.... I think to myself, yeah, I'll make amends as soon as I get MINE!! :::holding hand out:: ::tapping foot:: ::hand on hip::: ME? make amends? Then, I learned as I kept coming to the meetings that it wasn't such a bad thing. Surprisingly - I learned that one of the most important people I need to make amends to.... was ME..... wow. Yeah, that makes sense.
Then I came across this song by Alanis Morissette... explains it perfectly. I hope someone on these boards finds it helpful!
"Sorry To Myself"
For hearing all my doubts so selectively and For continuing my numbing love endlessly. For helping you and myself: not even considering For beating myself up and over functioning.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueller than I've been to me.
For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional. And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible And for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball.
And To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueller than I've been to me.
I'm sorry to myself. My apologies begin here before everybody else. I'm sorry to myself. For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
For blaming myself for your unhappiness And for my impatience when I was perfect where I was. Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready, And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be.
To whom do I owe the first apology? No one's been crueller than I've been to me.
And I'm sorry to myself. My apologies begin here before everybody else. I'm sorry to myself. For treating me worse than I would anybody else.
Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ? Forgetting you or forgetting myself... Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter, I would've naturally loved the former.
For ignoring you: my highest voices. For smiling when my strife was all too obvious. For being so disassociated from my body, And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler than I've been to me.
And I'm sorry to myself. My apologies begin here before everybody else I'm sorry to myself. For treating me worse than I would anybody else. I'm sorry to myself. My apologies begin here before everybody else I'm sorry to myself. For treating me worse than I would anybody else
Right on! Never have heard the song before and am not surprised that it was written. Lots of program catchin on. Early members told and taught me to throw my right hand and arm over my left shoulder and my left hand and arm over my right shoulder and give myself a hug. If I don't know how to love myself how could I possibly love anyone else?
OMG!! This was absolutely PERFECT for me to see! I'm writing in my journal.... something I haven't done since I left my AH six months ago! As a matter of fact, I found where I had stashed in my "DRAFTS" something someone else had posted here called "The Awakening"...and I just finished writing it all down in my journal. Thank you...for posting something that opened my eye's even more!! I will be forever grateful! Alanis isn't one of my favorite music artists...<LOL> But hmmm. Maybe I need to go check out and really REALLY listen to the words in her songs. Any suggestions! Have a great day knowing you've made the difference in some- one's life today! (smiles)!!! Hugs, Korinne
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Today, I am grateful to be on the path of dealing with my life and continuing to grow truly stronger.
Dee. I haven't heard this song either. I really enjoyed it and I hope everyone stops by to read this. Alanis has a way of putting things, doesn't she? I really love her writing. Thanks for posting!
Wow - I hadn't heard that song either, but I surely can relate to it.
After I'd been in Al-Anon for a while, I realized how nasty and mean I had been to myself - blaming myself for everything that went wrong. I truly owed myself an apology and amends. There had been no one that I had treated worse than I had treated myself - I had even tried to beat myself up once! I hated myself and my life that much.
Then I found A-Anon and hooked back into my HP who had loved me all along. I realized that if my HP had made me, then I couldn't be that bad. I found that I was okay - the problem was that I didn't know how to take care of myself and make good decisions.
Today, I live a pretty good life. The tail no longer wags the dog. My HP who I call God and Al-Anon saved my life by teaching me to live in a healthy way.
I too can recall when I first realised I needed to make amends to myself-it was one of those classic 'lightbulb moments'! I recognised that I had been harder on myself than I ever would have been on anyone else. I decided there and then to be my own best friend instead of my worst enemy. I'm a work in progress and today I can enjoy the journey instead of losing myself while dashing towards the destination, seeking a 'quick fix' or 'magic cure-all'. I had to recognise the magic and beauty within. I accepted that I needed to love, approve of and validate myself.
I also became aware that there may be amends from others that I may never receive and when I can make peace with myself, then somehow I don't need their amends to find forgiveness.
I will be forever grateful! Alanis isn't one of my favorite music artists...<LOL> But hmmm.
