The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So since my A boyfriend moved out, I am struggling so much with the emotions and thoughts around our relationship. I find myself feeling so angry at all the hurt he caused me and I can often fall into the victim role....he took advantage of me and my home and my kids and my money and my kindness and my patience and my wisdom and my body and my trust...he took and took and I got nothing.
This week in therapy I found my self reframing it. He may have gotten a lot that he needed, but I also got a lot. I was at the point in my life where I had some hard questions to ask myself and some difficult issues to face. I don't go to these places easily....a relationship brought me there. It was thanks to being with him, that huge issues arose and I was blessed to know a kind therapist to help me navigate them all. I am a stronger more self aware steadier woman today because of what I was brave enough to face with her....even if what he did hurt me so much, it was catalyst for growth I needed NOW. I took what I needed. Then I said....no more...you have hurt me enough and I have learned enough. Time to say goodbye to our love as hard as that is...but very much time to say goodbye to all that I can't trust and all that hurts.
I feel my anger and try to look at it as power that allowed me to change. I see myself as someone that was done wrong, but not as a victim. I chose to be in this relationship and I got a lot out of it. Then I chose to leave. Those words feel a bit like fakin it till I make it right now, but I also feel them to be true. I feel stronger moving from this place, and not from the victim place.
Don't get me wrong - he is not even gone 2 weeks and I cry each day at missing him and in confusion at this aweful disease - but I thought I'd share a moment of strength.
That sounds like a great break through for you. It's ok to love him you know. It is the disease you hate. I hope you have a wonderful day. God Bless ^i^
So since my A boyfriend moved out, I am struggling so much with the emotions and thoughts around our relationship. I find myself feeling so angry at all the hurt he caused me and I can often fall into the victim role....he took advantage of me and my home and my kids and my money and my kindness and my patience and my wisdom and my body and my trust...he took and took and I got nothing.
This week in therapy I found my self reframing it. He may have gotten a lot that he needed, but I also got a lot. I was at the point in my life where I had some hard questions to ask myself and some difficult issues to face. I don't go to these places easily....a relationship brought me there. It was thanks to being with him, that huge issues arose and I was blessed to know a kind therapist to help me navigate them all. I am a stronger more self aware steadier woman today because of what I was brave enough to face with her....even if what he did hurt me so much, it was catalyst for growth I needed NOW. I took what I needed. Then I said....no more...you have hurt me enough and I have learned enough. Time to say goodbye to our love as hard as that is...but very much time to say goodbye to all that I can't trust and all that hurts.
I feel my anger and try to look at it as power that allowed me to change. I see myself as someone that was done wrong, but not as a victim. I chose to be in this relationship and I got a lot out of it. Then I chose to leave. Those words feel a bit like fakin it till I make it right now, but I also feel them to be true. I feel stronger moving from this place, and not from the victim place.
Don't get me wrong - he is not even gone 2 weeks and I cry each day at missing him and in confusion at this aweful disease - but I thought I'd share a moment of strength.
Good for you that you got away from the relationship. Love him....but love from a distance. Now you can work on you!!! Be kind to yourself each day and continue with counseling and meetings. The hurt is normal and in time it will get easier. I wish you the best of luck and remember to give the hard times to your HP! Sherry
Great share Fifi, we are going through a bunch of similar stuff.
I can only acknowledge your experience and agree. I'm either angry or sad, and perhaps the anger is there just to give us the energy to fight back for ourselves.
Your honesty with your experience strikes a deep cord in me.
Until about a month ago, I thought I was one tough cookie, I had no idea how vulnerable I am, and was. Vulnerable to turning my life over to the care of alcoholics and addicts, that is. Vulnerable and fearful, because it could happen again unless I learn to live differently and with more respect and love for myself.
Yeah I chose to be in the relationship with my A too. I chased him down, asked him out first. I WANTED him! I look back at that thirty something woman and see that she had no idea what the warning signs meant for her. Sure do see what they mean now!
All of your shares show your strength and your conviction. To stay as honest and open during such a painful time is pure courage. I am very grateful you shared this with us.
I feel the same way......I think....... My physical relationship with the A in my life has finished. we are friends, but I cant help thinking about things he said to me, that are really hurting me. The weird thing is I don't know how to deal with these feelings. I have not cried, I am not getting angry. Im just kind of plodding along, trying to keep busy. We live nextdoor to eachother, have had no contact in 4 days. Im out and about, and he is isolating...(Good for him) maybe thats cruel, maybe Im being horrible.......
When I look at what has happened between us in the last few months. It's all me thats been hurt. Either that or hes damb good at hiding his feelings (well they are I guess)...
Know where you are comming from......I cant offer you any wisdom, because, I honestly dont know how to face this one myself....Pray for the courage....
(((((((((((((((((((((((Fifi)))))))))))))))))))))Big hugs to you....
..
.Pray for the courage....