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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Isn't it interesting when you just stand back and do nothing?
Post Info TOPIC: Isn't it interesting when you just stand back and do nothing?
carolinagirl


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Isn't it interesting when you just stand back and do nothing?
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I have found the best thing for me in this program is my new ability to stand back and do nothing.  I never thought I could do it but here it has been almost a year since I moved out and I find the more I stand back and observe, the more interesting it gets.  I would never have thought that all of the things that have happened could have but alas...they have.  I guess the real kicker is that I'm still sane and in one piece and living despite all the madness that has encircled the A.  I have marveled in the way that he continually messes up and sometimes that gives me the "he was right I was keeping it all together" feeling.  He always said that he couldn't make it without me and then proceeded to prove himself right. 

I have changed so much over the past year.  I don't feel the need to save him from himself anymore, completely the opposite actually.  I don't feel that his life and my life are one anymore or that I can't live without him.  I see a lot of people ask how low can they go and I think at this point it doesn't really matter as long as I don't go there with him.  It took me a long time to get to this point and I don't think I'll ever go back to living in the chaos that was just a way of life before.  I am stronger now, a new person and so happy - no it's not perfect, I struggle, but I feel like the direction of my life is really dependent on me now and not someone who is unreliable. I also have faith now that everything will work out the way it is meant to.

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Kim65


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That's serious growth, Carolinagirl! Once the chaos and drama dies down, and I look back on the last few years anyway, I can't imagine going back to old ways either.

What strikes me as "interesting" is that things would have turned out the way they did no matter my actions. A real lesson in 'the things I can't change'. How long it would have taken if I'd backed off earlier, or kept holding on, now that I could have affected, but to what end? Holding on just made the suffering last longer for myself, as my A had no intention of getting help. He got too crazy.

Something I do everyday now is affirm that everything will work out how it's meant to. And my prayer is that I am given the strength and courage to face life with honesty and integrity no matter what happens.

Great post, your progress is inspirational to me :)

I still can't get over your cow avatar either.

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babysteps


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You are truly an inspiration! I have followed your posts for the past year and I am so proud of how you have endured and grown. It gives everyone hope when we read of the serenity that has been found by others through the application of al anon in their lives. Best wishes. Babysteps

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maresie2


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I think its very very hard to do what you have done. I marvel at it.

I too have been crazy with these issues. I am still involved with the A on many many levels. He no logner drives me to the point of collapse. At the same time that I am no longer enmeshed I am still not at the pont of letting go.

Someday I may be.

maresie.

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maresie
Friendofyours


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I think this comes in time. I've had eight years of it and within the last two years I've come to terms with sitting back and letting him to what he feels he needs to do. It is SO much easier. I try and tell my mother to do this with my drug addict brother, but she can't. I feel like I breathe easier, I'm nicer to people. I don't hate myself when I do things for people. I can say NO to people and not be upset with myself. I do not have to ponder every action I do. Being with an active alcoholic I was constantly aware of what I was doing, saying, ect just to make sure I was not co-dependant or enabling him. I was making myself crazy. Since I have let him and the things he's done I feel free. Then again, I don't have to live with my alcoholic so it's very easy.
Getting him away from the children was the best thing as a mother I could have ever of done. I am so thankful that they never heard us argue or fight or saw him drunk. I moved fast and saved them. So far so good. ;)
Congrats on this step. A job well done. *giving you a thumbs up*

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Fifi


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Amazing work....so good to hear you enjoying it for yourself! I feel a tiny glimmer of hope for my future while reading your post. I know it is just one day at a time, but how I wish I could get my head out of my past with my A! I feel like I am really wrecked right now by our recent past and break up.....each baby step takes sluggish effort. Thanks for sharing the progress you have made.
Fifi

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twinkie


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Good for you - you sound strong and sane!  It is interesting to detach...things work so much easier and life is so much richer and serene.  I too just started detaching a few months ago and I love life and myself.  I can't wait to see how I'll feel a year from now.  Congratulations  - you are inspiring and encouraging. Keep up the great living!

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Rita G


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Carolinagirl,

It has been awesome to watch your HP take you thru this path - to see how you were when you first started posting here and to see how you are now - miracles after miracles.

I am so proud for you and I know you are proud for yourself - at least you should be. It has definitely not been an easy time for you. My heart has broken for you, my eyes have shed tears and now I leap for joy for you and your ability to have that inner peace - knowing that no matter what you & your HP are going to be ok - even better than OK.

Thank you so much for sharing your recovery with us - I for one feel very honored.

Wishing you Serenity & Joy,
Rita


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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Isn't it interesting when you just stand back and do nothing?