The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
How bad is your desire to hoard up guilt? Do you have a special fire proof safe for it? Maybe some of you ladies have a velvet lined box with a dainty little key.
Do you make sure that nobody else has any.... selfishly taking the guilt from everyone you touch like you were curing them of leprocy? You know who you are... when someone hurts your feelings, what lenghts will you go to in order to make sure they feel ok about it?
I have often mentioned the ones in my life that seem to feed off of my guilt, but I didn't realize until recently how much I have made sure that if there is guilt... it's mine - and nobody gets any.
(in a tiny screaching little troll voice) - its mine Mine MINE!
Sometimes I am a little slow... but piece by piece, the puzzle is coming together. Each new corner, and each small block completed helps me see where I am going... and I like the picture it's painting.
Like everyone else, I'd like to be done! But that little piece in the upper right hand corner.... it's all blue sky, and it has hundreds of pieces that are all the same shade. (that's where I am learning patience... I will put that off for a bit and come back to it. LOL)
Now that I am paying attention, I seem to notice each time I dodge a little peice of guilt... just leave it where it was. Not mine.... and I don't need it. I will screw something up soon enough and I have some of my very own to deal with. LOL
I haven't hauled off that 5' tall file drawer yet.... (that's where I stash mine away) Things in my life are still changing like mad. And with that uncertainty comes these little hunks of guilt that I have to decide what to do with.
But I am getting there... and I hope you are too. I wish you all the best.
Take care of you!
__________________
"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
I think of the typical al anon responce: "guilt is like herpes: its the gift that keeps on giving." Then I rewind to something my sponsor said via a pamphlet "unlocking the prison of guilt:" "when guilt becomes binding to the point that we become unable to see through the emotional fog of the situation to the fact, then we have become so enmeshed with our own emotional ills that we are losing the true motive of guilt: to remind us of wrong and right; to remind us of the humanity of each human that walks this earth; to remind us that we, too, are god's creatures, and that we are all equal in his/her eyes; most important, guilt functions as a way to show us, when we have done wrong, how to set the wrong right and to whom we owe the right making to." Took me a long time--and writing it on my bathroom mirror--to remind me of guilt. One last thought, from melody beattie: "If after making amends, and if after a through 4th & 5th step, you are carrying guilt, say to yourself, as many times as is necessary per day, 'I surrender to my higher power all of my guilt, earned and unearned." I put that on my bathroom mirror, too.
Slowly but surely it is emptying.....I sort through it and throw out the stuff I know I don't need anymore...but still hang on to some of it (hey it might be a collector's item someday, right!!!)
Guilt & I use to be pretty tight buddies for many, many years, but we ain't so close anymore.
Especially since I have learned (thru Al-Anon) the different between realistic and unrealistic guilt. The majority of my burden of guilt was very unrealistic - carrying guilt that wasn't mine to carry - The Martyr - Oh woe is me!! Poor, poor Rita - blech - not so much anymore!!
When our ole friend, Mr. Guilt comes to visit - Today, I have those questions that I ask myself to see if he is really suppose to be there or if he is just raining in on my parade cause it is an old way of thinking. Is this guilt I am feeling guilty about a direct action of mine? Did I do something out of spite, revenge, meanness or cruel intent? Did I NOT do something because I simply forgot or was otherwise occupied?
If I answered NO to these questions - then I am probably feeling Unrealistic guilt - I might need to look at my sense of over responsibility and seek guidance from my HP for healing and letting that go.
If I answered YES to these questions, then I probably have realistic guilt. In which for me, I need to work thru the steps as soon as possibly (which for me is now), and seek my HP's guidance in what amends needs to be made. After working thru the steps on this issue - I need to remember to "Learn the Lesson, Let go of the guilt".
Just my e,s, & h on my former friend ole Mr. Guilt - Wishing you Serenity & Joy, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
5 years ago gardengal/guilt today gardengal--------------------------------------------guilt Alanon has taught me what is mine and what not is mine to feel the guilt.
