The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What do you do when your AH starts badgering you or telling you how much you suck?
For the last 24 hours I have been told I don't appreciate him or the place we live, been ignored when I say food's ready, and kicked out of my own house for a few hours.I'm so exhusted and raw emotionally from all of it.
I don't do anything to start it and I get up and leave the room quite frequently when it starts. I even go out if I need to get out. I know I am not the issue but I am stuck at the moment since my car broke down and I am broke until I get paid in three weeks. Until then, I have to endure and make due.
It really gets me angry that he is the one with the problem but I am the one that has to do recovery for myself!
He apologized today for last night. Well, okay until the next time. I hate this disease.
I hear ya , like you I learned to walk away ad find a quiet place by myself . and if your cars not working , whats wrong with borrowing his ? or call a friend and ask them to pick u up and go out for supper or a movie . Booze talk makes me cringe and I learned to avoid it at all costs .
I did a lot of enduring, I don't think you can completely escape it. It just gets you closer to where you can make a decision, on a positive note . . .
I also left the room, and toward the end just stayed clear of him.
I gotta say this; it doesn't seem 'fair' to be changing yourself when HE has the alcohol problem (or dry drunk syndrome). But your misery is YOURS, in other words, you are the one who gets to feel it and be dragged down by it. It's a good and positive thing to liberate yourself from your misery. Just another way to look at it.
Off and on, even when my A was a 24/7 a$$hole I was able to detatch enough to feel just fine no matter what he was doing in the next room (or the next county). I think that's why we Alanons harp on "detatchment" so much :) it truly is our lifeline to peace amidst so much turmoil.
What do you have in your life that is separate from your home life with your A? I have farm animals, dogs, etc, and they were a ready place to go do my own thing that had nothing to do with my A. My online MIP friends, a couple other farm type forums, and my arts/crafts stuff were things I could look forward to and do pretty much at will. Got my mind off of the stuff I could do nothing about, got my mind clear and free of obsessing.
I learned to say "You know, you could be right" then promptly leave. It has a way of taking the air out of his balloon long enough for me to execute an exit.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
