The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am watching my daughter disolve before my own eyes. She has seriuos medical problems from her alchohol use and is living across town with people who took her in from the street. Her 12 year old son lives with me. I think she is also showing signs of mental illness. I thought about having her committed but I don't know if I can. In my state Post Katrina mental health is in crisis their are no beds. My mom died this year. My family is ashamed of the situation no support just gossip and whispers. I don't know what to do. I went online and found this board. Help me please!!!
Welcome to MIP! You are in the right place. We learn that we didn't cause it, can't cure it, and can't control it. This is tough. We all have a higher power to help us through the hard times including your daughter. Take good care of your grandson and yourself. And keep coming back.
Mom, I am saying the Serenity Prayer for you.. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Welcome Mom. There can't be much worse than watching your own child suffer from alcoholism. I assume from your post your daughter is very ill, having been homeless and unable to care for her son.
You came to the perfect place for support, that's for sure. Read the previous posts and get a feeling for the characters around here. They sure were there for me through some tough times, and I know they'll be there in the future. I found MIP in February, and that's when I began to do the work.
I heard in Alanon that I could do nothing to stop my husband's "using" . It sure lined up with my experience! No matter what I did to stop his escalating alcohol and drug abuse, it didn't make a damn bit of difference. Not a bit. He landed in jail and has narcotic violations in three counties, no matter what I did. What a wake up call it's all been.
I guarantee I've tried everything everyone else has tried :D there are only so many things a human can think of to stop her alcoholic from drinking or ruining their lives before we go crazy enough to come to Alanon. Then you accept you are powerless, and that is very hard, I imagine that must be almost unbearable with your own child. But it's still the truth, and it will change your life. It has happened to me! I have miles and miles to go, but I feel OK in spite of being significantly challenged to rise to the occaision (exhausting).
Get to an Alanon meeting as soon as you are able and this board is active daily. Keep an open mind and try to connect. You aren't alone in this, we've all been there (as for myself, about two weeks ago!). I hope to see you posting again soon!
Hello Mom so glad u found this site. and thank god u can be there for your grandson . This is a 3 fold disease alcoholism , mental , physical and spiritual it takes the person we once knew and leaves us with someone we don't recognize ,at the moment alcohol is running her life . There is nothing you can do about your daughter but I hope u take the time to find support for yourself and your grandson . Al-Anon meetings will help u to understand just what it is your dealing with , u will meet new friends who understand how your feeling and can help you by sharring thier own experience with you . There is a program for your grandson as well it is called alateen , hopfully he will attend . 'if you call 1-888-4alanon they will give u the nearest meeting in your area and perhaps a contact number for you to call in your area . I wish I could take u to a meeting myself but thats just not possible , please come into our chat room until u find a meeting. You need to talk this out with people who understand where your at . Don't give up hope there is always hope . Louise
I am so glad you came here. It saved my life when I felt so lost, as you do.
It is my belief nothing is worse than this happening to our kids. So I relate.
I can tell you, if you choose to really get into Al Anon, you will be able to speak to your family in very strong assurance and knowledge, that your poor daughter has a horrible disease. She did not choose to be an addict.
There is scientific proof people are born with the markers if they are predispositioned to be an addict, same as any other disease. There are even tests for it now, like they can do for kinds of breast cancer.
Al Anon will help you heal. It will help you to know how and what you want to do for your dear daughter.
Commiting someone takes lots of court room time. Plus an attorney. It is totally up to you. It may give her some sober time, trouble is, if we step in before they finally get where they want help, they will get well and use again.
Your grandson is so fortunate to have you. YOu may want to go to Al Anon in your town or city, there is ala teen for your boy. Kids feel so uncomfy in their bodies anyway, to have his mom so sick, no support from family, he must carry a lot inside.
He will be faced with using. Probably already has. I almost beg you, if he is into basketball, swimming, fishing, motorcycles, skiing, chess, reading, carpentry, dancing, singing, whatever, ENCOURAGE IT, SUPPORT IT. It is that passion he has, that will keep him centered and give him a foundation of who he is. He won't want to get high or down if he is going motorcycle riding in the morn.
A boundary is, hon if you choose to stay off drugs and not smoke, I will take you and a friend to swim. or I will get you paint supplies, Or get him a puppy. had to say that, my daddy got me a German Shorthair pointer when I was so depressed.
Sadly your dear daughter has to figure it out for herself. I know, all I can do is say, I love you. sometimes that is all we can do for our A loved ones. I love you JUST the way you are.
they are sick, if they are A, they will struggle with this horrible disease all their life. So in Al Anon we can learn to love them and be around them with boundarys if they are using or not.
Becuz they are NOT the disease, they are our husbands, children, parents, friends etc with a horrible comfusing disease.
And I invite you to look at what YOU want. don't forget your passions either.
When my AH left, I looked around and omg, cobwebs, my eyebrows had grown together, not really but close...haha the house needed painting, i had no fresh flowers inthe house, on and on. Becuz the disease sucks you in and pulls you into the pit.
I want to say, when we have faith, we are not afraid, You will be set free when you let go of the fear and put things in your hp's hands.
I hope you will be back. We need you too, uno.
love to you and g son and precious daughter, debilyn
Aloha Mom and welcome home. Read the feedback from those who have responded to your cry for help and read the other post and replies also. Follow thru on the suggestions that were given because this program really works. I also had deep concerns about an addict/alcoholic son and fetal alcoholic grand-children. He and his wife are children of the disease and it runs generations back. There are stunning miracles in the program and many of them waiting for you and your family if you can trust long enough to come back and listen and learn and if you put your faith in this simple spiritual program. Miracles beyond your wildest dreams. Stay concerned and in love with your daughter because that is all we naturally have to express. We don't have solutions for them. She will find solutions from recovering alcoholics and addicts.
Of course she is mentally ill. She is also physically, spiritually and emotionally ill. Pray that she hits a very hard bottom and reaches out to AA for help. That is what works best.
I just wanted to give you a hug. I have been where you are. I understand the fear and pain. This program does work, and miracles do happen. Keepcoming back.
Mom...so sorry you are feeling so scared. I was too at one time and sometimes I still am. Not as much since I have found Alanon. Give her to her HP and let her go. There is nothing we can do. I have heard so many times in Alanon that the worst thing we can do is to get between the alcoholic and his bottom. That has helped me so much whenever my son is going thru some sort of crisis. If I do not let him get there he may never seek help. It is not easy but taking care of you and setting boundaries is the best thing you can do.
Big hug to you...keep reaching out and talking. This program is a miracle and works if you work it. There is not a proven path or script, but it does work miracles. Take what you like and leave the rest. Pray and trust that your Higher Power is there with you now and will be. Remember the 3Cs - you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. We are here for you - keep coming back. We need you too!
Just want to tell you that I am praying for you and your daughter and your whole family. I can't think of how hard it must be to go through something like this, but you are a beautiful person to care and seek help for yourself. I am new here and I don't have much in the way of advice, but I thought it might help just to know that someone is praying for you.
