The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I saw the A yesterday and came away feeling drained to death. He managed to absolutely bombard me with demands and manipulate me. I felt totally put upon, distressed and fed up.
The norm.
I have levelled with the people he is staying with. They are willing to work with me. I feel like I am going to have to take a whole week off to try to think how to deal with him. He is back to acting out in various ways.
I am at a point where I am letting stuff go. If he doesn't move his car and it gets towed its on him. He's burned the woman who said she would help him. What 's new there.
The issue is that I have levelled with her that I amburned to a crisp. She won't be calling me anymore to ask me what's happening. I am at a point if he loses it he loses it. I am not having anything to do with it.
I also found out he managed to get another ticket for an illegal u turn. There is some solace in this new ticket. If he had a warrant for those speeding tickets it would have come up then. He doesn't. Who knows what happened to that. We all know there will be many more tickets. Who knows how long he will hold onto his license.
The good news for me is that I have absolutely levelled with the people who he is staying with. I am not hiding one thing from them.
I am also going to level with his Uncle and say I am totally burned to a crisp and he has to help out. He will have to call. I am sick to death with the A's acting out.
I am going to take a week off, turn off the phone and leave it to him. I am sick of being drained alive.
Take as long as you need to. That's when my life changed is I started living as if he were dead. His problems were his problems and it works!! Just hold true to yourself, it's really hard because they catch on to it and they come back being sweeter then honey to get back in good graces. Keep an eye out. (((HUGS))))
Yep, turn off your phone, and by all means don't take a week of your life to "fix" this, when has that ever worked? Why would one week do the job when years and years prior have done nothing?
You are preventing him from experiencing the consequences of his disease. Direct experience of the consequences is HIS only hope, so don't get in the way.
Now that I'm done telling you what to do :D I'll put on my Alanon hat and say the only reason my A is not manipulating, harassing, and demanding me to death right now is because I got out of the way of his natural consequences. I have had enough for two or three lifetimes. My emotional life was in shambles, I didn't know who I was anymore except this creature trying to get away from his endless demands. No way to live. I didn't get a kick out of rescuing him.
Take care, I say what I said in love and genuine concern. Kim
This is something that has come up here fairly often - how much of an obligation do we have to warn other people about our A's. You'll have to do whatever seems to you to be right - you need to be able to look yourself in the mirror in the morning. However, remember that his actions are HIS - if he burns his bridges behind him, if he destroys his relationships with others - well, these are natural consequences of his actions, and he needs to feel them. It's not your job to run around patching up all the harm he does in the world.
Well the A has money now so hopefully he will leave me alone. What bothers me is that he has not taken care of the dogs as he promised to do. I am desolate about the fact that I do not have custody of them. I have no idea what kind of creative brainstorming I will have to do to get them. It is beyond me at the moment. I did tell the people who I rented from on behalf of the A that if my dogs could not stay there that they should give me my money back. I also said in no uncertian terms that I was not going to be involved in any of the A's plans to move his car of whatever. His crises are now none of my business. I am sick to death of every day being all about him and only him.
I also left the A a message saying I have paid till I can not pay any more and will not pay another cent for him. I mean it.
I am sick to death of it. What I am not sick to death of is of course my dogs and he is using that as best he can to manipulate me. He has that card. He will use it for as long as he can.
He has burned through his family and his friends. He can keep burning as far as I am concerned. What he can't burn is my dogs and he has suceeded in hurting them in various ways with his crazy actions. That makes me really ill.
