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My daughters friend who was17 died of an over-dose, they decided to take him off life support, there was so little brain activity, he went without oxygen for too long. I talked to my daughter about getting help for her addiction, for the first time she didn't disagree. I have cried all the tears I think I had, I am so tired but can't sleep. I am second guessing some of what I did, If only.. She also got caught stealing, since she was fired from her job, I believe as a result of her using. I refussed to give her money, she lived in a tent much of the time since she didn't like my rules here. How can one not blame themself, or at least question some of what I did, or didn't do? This hurts, I can't imagine what his mother must be going through. I need to try to at least rest, maybe get a few hours of sleep, I feel sick over this..
UGH!! How terrible. I can't imagine losing my son (who by the way is 17). What an awful tragedy. I hope your daughter finds her way to sobriety through this. At least something good would come of her friend's passing.
Take care gimmpy,
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
OMG. A terrible waste of a young life. How in the world could you have done something to prevent it? We aren't all powerful, people make their own decisions, even "kids".
This is a terrible tragedy, a consequence of drug use your daughter will never forget. She's young now, but this kind of stuff she'll never forget.
She's young and bull headed, but this will be a blow to her. The blows will accumulate as long as you stay out of the way. It's sad, but the only way an alcoholic might learn that the disease is her enemy, not her mother or life in general.
My A, a 40 yr old man, bought a gallon jug of whiskey for a 14 yr old girl. She overdosed, but lived to tell on him. The sheriffs told me this. I know this girl, she hangs out with adults and sells her barely developed body for booze or drugs. I too felt terrible shame, that I would be with a man who would do this. I want to go grab that girl and lock her in the house and raise her up right, show her what a real mother is. But it's a fantasy, and my hands are empty, all I feel is pain and bewilderment. And anger. I really don't care right this moment if the anger is good for me or not. In my opinion, that's the worst thing he did.
Our hands are tied, we can't stop tragedies caused by drugs or alcohol, even with our own kids. No one blames you, or thinks you should have done "something".
You have dignity and strength that shows in your posts. I can understand your pain somewhat, I think it is so different when your own child is involved. Just because it is so much more personal and emotional, still your daughter has her own agency and makes her own choices. I hope she sees herself in this tragedy, and that it takes away some of the allure of her "lifestyle" she defends so much. And I pray you have peace and understanding for yourself. I'll be keeping you in mind over the next few days. Take care.
I am so sorry for your loss and for the frightened feelings you are experiencing for your child. I have no ESH regarding this, just for today and thank you God.
Get to a meeting hon, get to one every night if you have to. See if you can get your daughter to Alateen or any type of recovery home with kids who understand what she's going through, how she feels. If she won't go now, she may eventually as she sees you being a living example of someone working a program because of Step 1 - we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable.
I will pray for all of you, yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Parenting is the hardest job we will ever have, and it's one that comes without a manual.
I can't tell you long I felt guilty over what I 'should've, would've, could've' when my oldest became an active addict/alcoholic.
The fact is, we do the best that we can at any given moment. Hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?
Beating ourselves with that big stick accomplishes nothing except taking us out of the moment in front of us, putting us back in the past, and making ourselves miserable with the guilt.
What happened is truly a tragedy, and my heart hurts for all involved.
This may be the turning point for your daughter, and it may not.
Stay focused in the moment, be good to yourself, and remember, God never gives us more than we can handle. ((((hugs))))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I extend my deepest sympathies to this family. Please know that you, too are in my prayers. It is okay to be as upset as you are. I know you are hurting. I am so sorry you are hurting. But I am glad you trust us enough to share these things. Please keep us posted.
Thank you all for your support. they did donate his organs. We are trying to stress this, that lifes will be saved. I do hope this wakes the rest of them up, just because it is a legal drug it's not a game. I took time off of work, cause I just fall apart now and then. He was a good kid with a terrible disease. They're all good kids, under the addiction. I am trying to get her to go to counseling, but at this point my daughter doesn't want to. Thanks again all for being here.
Oh no he did die? :( How horrible. My prayers are with their family. I hope that your daughter takes this so seriously and learns from it. Sorry your heart hurts, it's understandable. Lots of love and prayers.
I know it was horribly hard to just let her go. However sadly it was the best thing to do. She has now experienced the "fun" of using. Has maybe had a real eye opener.
You are the BEST mother. You cared more about her learning than how you felt. If you had kept her home, she went out and used and played, came back sick got well and back out, what would she learn?
It is horrible, the world is not safe, but neither are drugs. I am so glad she is alive and grieve for the boy and his family and loved ones.
My son had to learn this stuff too. I am so proud of you, and your daughter.
I hope she can get into rehab and really work a program. The longer the better too. These four weekers, or eight are a joke. It is not long enough to really get into their hormone ridden brains.
I always share i sent my kiddo off to survival school, a good one, the Katherine Freer one. He had to back pack.
He is so proud he did it.
He is a wonderful guy now. My daughter was not into drugs. She did not learn about the world and struggles until she had a baby a year ago. NOW she appreciate me....sigh, haha she wanted it and she is thirty two.
May I say now, let her find her own path to getting clean. She knows what she needs to do. If we push them it can make them feel they have no power over their decisions.
You might, since she is a child, get brochures or get online and bookmark rehabs ya find. You might ask her first. I did not get how old she is. Different guidance for different ages. What kind of drug was she on?
god love her. It is so so awful when the d drugs get our children. the worst.
oh we my kids and i took family drug classes as a group with other parents. it was fun.
LOL well I have to tell you, my son was being a butt once (once?) we had gone camping at the beach. You know how we are suppose to stay calm, not engage... it was his birthday, he refused to come eat, so I went where he was and thru his cake at him.....
oh gads... now he LOVES to tell people this, and tells me I was a great mom not to put up with his bs. lol
He just told me he told his step kids that one time he was griping about the soup. i make GREAT homemade soups, all kinds. He then tells them to eat their food, then tells them I dumped his food in his lap... Now I do not remember this... lol lol
He loved it when I was tough with him. I was a widow and no way could I be a wus. He needed that foundation.
Believe me if you help her build hers, when you need her, she will be there for you, a strong woman.
AND do not forget to laugh and have fun. set up the table with good food and play cards or a game. simple stuff. go hiking. don't forget to play. soon they will be leaving home.
I do know too, whatever her passion is encourage it if you can. We had very little money. I worked and went back to college, but my son loved motorcycles, so he had them. If we can patch into that we have a good chance they will love that and not want to do drugs.
Daughter loved to go on vacations with other families so made sure she could.
I asked both my kids when they were coming home until they turned thirty. then gave up.... raised them too well I guess...
This is a perfect window for you. Keep us updated. plus you MUST take care of you. If she feels guilty from seeing you so upset, it is not good.
If you can, go to your doc and talk to him her. I rarely have trouble sleeping. but I remember when i got all maxed out like you, i would take a tiny bit of my med, made me sleep and that was all I needed to get me back again.
