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My mom has a boyfriend who is an A. He goes to AA and does alot of service work but is in a constant state of relapse. My mom grew up in an A home and is untreated ADD. Anyway, they fight, that is what they do. She abuses him and he is mean to her. He is the most annoying, strange man anyone has ever met. I think it was the way he is because his sister who hasn't had a drink in 15 years is also very strange. But he, on top of being wierd inheriently, has wet brain. But here's the thing, my mom is so controling she has started controlling what the man eats. What goes into his mouth! We were sitting at dinner tonight and he was saying how much he loves these blueberry muffins. He has started sneaking them in the house. My mother said " yes, he used to sneak cigaretts and other stuff but now I hear him come into the house and set the bag on the stairs as if I don't know what is going on! So, I have to go get the bag and I let him have a little at a time!" I looked at this man who has been with her for 17 years and living with her for 13 and I said " how old are you?" He said "71 Have you ever been harped on day and night like this? I just want a can of soda every now and then and she won't let me! I know I am trying to lose weight but a can of soda wouldn't hurt every once in while would it?" My mom said " I told you NO SODA!" I have lived with this my whole life, I have seen it in her and how she treats him, it is no surprise. I guess that is why I never saw myself as a control freak. My controlling behaviors are not as obvious. My manipulation was more subtle and had nothing to do with what my A was eating! LOL! But it was there, my A gave me control over things I didn't want control over and I took it. I am far more passive agressive about my control issues but they are there and they have had a really negative impact on my life and relationships. Just another realization of something I want to change. They are so sick it is funny at times. And sometimes they even see how insane they are. I suppose they are happy, they have each other and it is a form of love I suppose. I know I want something more from my life. I hope I get healthy enough to desire someone healthy and know I am worth it. But really can you imagine being 71 years old and having your signifigant other tell you what you can and cannot eat? Do? Say!? Yes, she even tells him what he can and cannot speak about, when he can speak and when he should stop! That takes people by surprise, when he starts going on about something that is not really that interesting, but he finds interesting (so he just assumes everyone will find it interesting and no one does but most people are just polite and let him finish his thought at least) my mother will tell him to shut up, no one cares, "That's enough. Now go in the other room" Can you imagine? And it ticks him off and he lets her know but does what she says for the most part. I have been tempted to video tape our family get togethers because it would make a great HBO special or something. Maybe Comedy Central or Dr.Phil...... I don't want to end up there....I want more.....I know I have alot of my mother's qualities but I don't want to turn into her. I don't want to settle for that. I know I can do it differently with the help of this program... What a lesson in control!
I think there is a hotline for elderly abuse which is what your mother is doing. Abuse comes in all types of forms. How terribly sad for your mother's boyfriend. No matter what his state of mind is he should not have to live out the last years of his life as a two year old. Have you ever asked the bf if he needs help to leave? Is he scared of her? Is your mother physically abusive? If this is what she does while in company what in the world is she doing behind closed doors? I find this story very disturbing. I'm sorry if I sound cruel but I can not imagine. Don't mistake what your mother does as "control" it's down right abuse to the elderly. I can't imagine you having the same character traits as your mother, those are a bit off the deep end and not normal for any person. I think you can rest easy on your end. Good luck. I hope you find this poor man help.
