Right now outside of the computer lab, the emergency sirens for the university/local AFB are blaring. It's no emergency; it's the first Monday of the month. The first Monday of the month, the university, the local governments, and the local AFB go through the emergency catastrophe procedures, god forbid they ever use them. 
 When I first moved to the area, it scared, me. Terrified is a better word. The sirens, the voices over the mega phones, it was so foreign and alien, I shook. Kids who had grown  up in the area, of course, though I was a freak. Teachers were worried. My parents....enough said. Finally a senior in my class looked at me and said "You really have no idea what's going on, do you?"  "No!" I cried, almost crying, and suddenly the light went on for everyone around me.
 Growing up in a small town (the population of OSU, in sum, would be a safe estimate), any emergency that did occur was fairly straight forward. The only time that we ever really needed back up was when Hurricane Opal blew through. Then the National Guard, in addition to the State Police and Sherriff's, were working OT to clean up roads, attend to the injured, infirm, poor, and those left homeless from the storm. The hurricane was so big that I lived inland within the state, yet the storm had the same impact as those on the coast, if not worse. Now that I live in a town with a sum total population of about 1M people the rules have changed: crises have to be planned for. They're gonna happen. This winter, we had two blizzards in two weeks (I have never been more greatful for spring than I am this year.) When I first moved here, there was one blizzard and an ice storm. The first two summers I've lived here, the temperature and humidity were so dangerous, the city issued driving orders and restrictions, and went into overdrive for the homeless individuals--I remember it was the first summer when I didn't put the dogs outside. But again, the crises had to be planned for. And of course, when they did occur, the first voice I heard was over the major mega phones.
 I thought of this during this afternoon's drill as I was looking at our message boards. When we come to al anon, all we have done--or, rather, all I had done--was live crisis to crisis. I didn't understand why it was you all kept asking me and challenging me to live in the now and look at the big picture. I had lived--for good reason--under the belief that the world existed under a constant threat of insanity, duress and, ultimately, of things are going to fall apart. Money, as always, was the foundation for all crises. But so was personal safety. With these two things as the foundation for all crises, there was no way that other, equally important needs were going to be met: the need to be loved; the need to be validated; the need to be accepted.
 This also meant, then, I couldn't tell teh difference between a genuine crisis and a false crisis. Like the boy who cried wolf, I had to be taught what constitued a "normal" family crisis. Those $1,000 car repairs, for example, would upset even the Cleavers!  But I didn't understand that, and I didn't understand that I, too, had a right to be upset when I got a bill for an estimated repair at $100 only to have it be $1,000. I also had to learn, the hard way, how to handle crises--myself when I am in them, specifically.
 Having said this, the best way I have found how to handle crises is practicing my program and being honest with myself. Just like the city of Dayton has learned how to plan, expect, and rehearse for crises like the weather, I can plan, rehearse, and expect a certain amount of insanity in my life. That doesn't mean I have to tolerate it. I have the right to take care of myself. I have the right to be loving with myself and be with loving people. I have the right to be accepting of myself and be with accepting people. I have the responsibility, then, to be with people who practice these behaviors and practice them toward me. People that don't, then? I need to seriously look at that. How does their behavior affect me? Do I want them in my life? Does it help me, having them in my life? What do they do, being in my life?
 Seeing life as one crisis after another drains my energy and leaves me feeling as if life has nothing to offer me. But when I accept that life has crises, I can better deal if I am working a program based on surrender.