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I am new to Al Anon but not to AA. I am sober 3 years and counting. But, the person I am in a relationship with is a chronic relapser!
I am trying to let go, let him hit bottom, but..... HOW!!! This whole stupid love thing keeps getting in the way! I hate that feeling in the pit of my stomach when he calls me and I can hear it in his voice that he's drunk or on pills! I hate letting myself put my day on hold and go resucue him! He has his own business teaching kids music, and ihe's lost clients because of this!
I want to make him leave, and I always do, but then I let him come back, with his tears and promises! I know from my own stuff that this is wrong, but I am having a tough time.
It's time for me to get a Al Anon sponsor and stop doing this to myself.
Since your recovering, what would you say to yourself??? Put the shoe on the other foot. Roll play a bit. You know it's all him putting on a play to get his way because he knows your vulnerable and you'll fall for it. Just be careful sweetie.
Congratulation on your three yrs of sobriety got room in your week for a Al-Anon meeting ? F2f will make all the diff to your recovery , your on the other side of this disease now loving someone who just can't get it is difficult to say the least but it does not have to run your life too . ex . wasting a day waiting for the call to go and pick him up . Detaching with love takes time and practice no one does this perfectly but we can try , this is his disease allow him the dignity to figure it out for himself while u get on with your recovery . When we stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves things change = some times we gotta get out of our own road . hehe good luck Louise PS if u cllick on my profile I will email you a copy of the detachment pamphlet that helped me get started .
" I hate letting myself put my day on hold and go resucue him!"
You haven't got any control over what HE does, but you do have some over what YOU do. You do no good, and can do harm, by rescuing him, and putting your own life on hold. The more you do for him the less he has to do for himself. As long as it's easy for him to keep things the way they are, why on earth should he change?
Live your own life - love and support him, but let him feel the consequences of his own actions.
Well don't beat yourself up. The patterns you speak of are ingrained in many of us. I think its taken me years to say No to the a. It didn't happen overnight This week I said No many times. I also didn't feel gulty. I can't tell you how many times I said yes and regretted it.
Beating myself up didn't help me get to the point of saying no.
My sister, who is addicted to pain killers, kept me in the dark for many years (I say I was in denial) about her addiction until her husband forced her into rehab (which she didn't really want and was not succesful). Recently she has told me she is offt the pills etc...but when she's around someone she knows has been sick she suddenly becomes ill too and asks for pills and she is so cunning they actually believe her and give in. She recently did this to me b/c she knew I had been to the Dr. and had a few pills....I said I had no more which was a lie instead of confronting the issue head on and now I'm furious...she acts like a da** vulture and it makes me furious....I don't know how to deal with this issue. Do I just detach myself and hope she comes around?
