The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have it! I don't know that every word out of my mouth is an alanon slogan, but I know that my life seems better when my first reaction is an alanon slogan rather than the first thing that pops into my head. Usually when I am confronted with something I don't like I want to pull out the claws and give someone a good rake across the face. Back them off. This hasn't worked very well for me. Am I healthy? NOPE! If I was, Why would I be here?
When I first got to alanon I hated the slogan..."this too shall pass" That slogan still makes my skin crawl...like here I am in a pile of do do and all u can tell me is " this too shall pass?" growl!!! I want to cry, whine, moan and groan! Truth is though crying, whining, moaning, and groaning, only made me sadder. It kept me in the negative. It wasn't until I got off my rear end and started doing things different, that things started working different for me.
I thought writting a gratitude list was a little dumb at first too...like oh yea, writing I am greatful for the flowers in field, would help my daughter through her 10th surgery...but ya know that surgery was happening no matter what I thought. I could help her though it more with a good attitude much more that a bad attitude. My sons psychosis wasn't getting better with my obssessing over it...but my days were a little better when I focused on something besides the nonscense he was speaking. I couldn't change the words out of his mouth, but I could change the thoughts in my head. At first I couldn't accept much about drug abuse with out saying I accept that...but I don't like it. Always something negative thrown in. Now I try to think..it is what it is...You can't change it...your choice go kicking and screaming or just go on. So much easier on me if I just go on.
Yep I have Alanon Syndrome. I have to go to meetings. I have to work it. I have to be serious as a heart attack about alanon. I have to, because I just can't live that other way anymore. I grew up in an alcoholic home. I learned how to be a little alanon about the time I learned to crawl. It is my known behavior. Trying to stop that is like trying to stop my hair from growing. I need the help of the group, I need the help of the program. I need the steps. I need my sponsor.
I am getting to the point though, that I need to start getting out in the real world too. Walk the Walk, So to say. Yes the people in alanon are sick, if they weren't why in the heck would they be there? Yes people in alanon use the slogans, it is part of the program. This board is an alanon board...not advice to the love lorn. (sp?). I am alanon, and I am grateful to finally find a place that I can get some answers to how to live a healthy life. If that means I have Alanon Syndrome..so be it. I like this way better than the Over-reaction syndrome I lived with for the last 50 years. Thank you (((all))) for being here and helping me. I am getting better one baby step at a time.
Hmmmm I reckon I am the same as you. Alanon Syndrome. My 1st response to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING that challenges me is to ATTACK 1ST, ASK QUESTIONS LATER. Not such a good approach. The results usually end up pretty messy. And it leaves me feeling rotten.
The better approach for me is the Alanon approach....using the tools I have learned here. I try not to react at first....take a deep breath and think on it first and see the situation from as many angles as possible. I usually repeat the many slogans I have learned here to help me cope - Nothing Changes Unless Something Changes, Watch The Actions Not The Words and so on. I sometimes try to make light of things and repeat something I heard on Seinfield - "Serenity Now!" LOL. This of course only works if you scream it like George's father on the show. LOL.
So anyway, being an Alanoner and working the program for me has made me stronger, happier and helps me to cope with my life better. My AH even sees the difference and has commented on how independent I act now. More than acting independent....I think it is more of an independence from my AH and his problems. I know his actions don't have to effect me unless I allow it to effect me. Something he doesn't seem to crazy about but oh well. It is MY Life to do with it as I wish. And his is his. We can work together on many things....but when working together isn't working anymore....I can go on and work on me regardless of what he is doing. All thanks to all of y'all here and this wonderful program.
Thanks for the reminder on the slogans. When I get tired or overwhelmed, I forget to use these and I need to use them all the time, right now included. I am so grateful I found Al-Anon and for all of us working the program. God bless!
I think the one thing I value most about this program is the unconditional love I receive. No one judges me, or tells me what to do. They tell me what worked for them, I am free to try that and if I choose not to, no one has ever said to me " well, if you had done it MY way..." And that is why I keep comming. I have much love and support from friends and family not in the program. I am lucky and loved. But there is something that i need here. Sanity and support. Principles above personalities. I have met some very sick people in this program, just as I have in the world at large and I try very hard to treat them with the same kindness and love I am shown. I don't know if people in this program think I'm a nutcase or not, they just love and support me for where i am in life. Also, I know i can argue with this program and not get "kicked out". Sometimes it has helped me understand a concept. I can get mad at this program and the people in it and not be "disowned". Security was so lacking in my family of origin. I am just very, very grateful that this program is here for me.
Was thinking this morning should I go to a meeting or not. Chose not. Decided instead to see the wife off to work, have a 2nd and 3rd cuppa joe and finish a cigar while hanging out at the back of the pickup and looking at all of HP's art work with my one good eye. I was sooooo grateful cause the vision was perfect. The trees and flowers, grass and sky and everything else was soooo perfect and of course I had not a thing to do with it; just enjoy it. It's raining...no biggie so couldn't take the girls ("pups") out for a stroll and decided to abandon the wish and just check in for a look see here. See where I would find some gems.
I not only found beautiful gems I got more beautiful flowers! You gals and your ESH are awesome!! I have always been grateful for the women in early program that saved my sorry butt. I didn't understand you. I didn't care to understand you. You sounded tooooo much like my sick mother and my alcoholic was female plus I struggled with how independent you had grown and how very very smart. You put up with my crap and told me to keep coming back and then damn! you sealed it with a hug.
Well here I am again listening and talking with beautiful flowers. I'm sooooo pleased as punch for how my HP shows me that he loves me. Thanks for the 12th step so early in my day. Now I've got something to take into all of my other affairs. It ain't just a syndrome...this is real!!
Mahalo to all you beautiful flowers. As the ODAT says, "I now understand that thorns have roses."
Carol: thanks for the reminder. I can most definitely go into overreaction syndrome. I wanted to seemy dogs over July 4th I am probably not going to now. I am sad about that. Things could be worse though they could have been gone from me for ever. I'll see them sometime dont' know when.
I can go into a whole over reaction spiral and I know how to do that.
Thank you for your inspiring post. I am going through that struggle of "I don't want to love an addict anymore" syndrome. I have been involved in alanon for 2 years, and recenly found this site. I am inspired everytime I visit to forge ahead - I DO love an addict, and apparently have some issues of my own. So thanks, it sounds like it's working for you. I will continue to have faith that it will for me, too!
thank you for this post, I know that some of the slogans stopped me going into a melt down last week, I just kept repeating them like a mantra and they worked.
Yup, in the early years Alanon slogans saved me from quite a few verbal meltdowns, LOL.
They still help me...they are ingrained in me when I need them.
I think the difference is that I eventually progressed to the point that I no longer had over-the-top knee jerk reactions to normal situations in everyday life. People acting like occasion jerks, dealing with occasional alcoholic relatives, etc., is all part of everyday life sadly. I learned to ACT as myself in life, not simply RE-act to the drama of others. That was a big step for me. I don't think all of it was Alanon, some of it is just age and maturity
Over time, while diligently working on MYSELF (not getting consumed by labeling other people in Alanon as "sick" and taking their inventory in the guise of helping them gain "insight") I just began to understand more about human interactions, and not take everythign personally, as I am prone to tell people trying to pull me into their dramas "not everything is about YOU, there is a whole world of other people, places and things existing around you!" LOL!.
Of course, I had to take my own advice! Not everything is about me...people just behave the way they are prone to, whether I am there or not! Most of the dramas people involved themselves in have nothing to do with me...although their nature is to try and pull me in. Now that was a lightbuld moment!
I think the biggest growth I had ni Alanon was when I realized the point of ESH. I think too many people miss the point of sharing ESH. To many people it means trying to subtely set others straight by talking in first person, but still projecting. As in "When I feel angry at the alcholic, I realize that I am really angry at myself, so I have to sit down and look at myself first..." when a person just shared about feeling angry at their A. The other person projects their own feelings and uses a less than subtle "alanon approved" method of by simply changing "you" to "I".
I have found that real ESH is self generated, not an effort to help someone else "see the light". Real ESH is simply and honestly stating a SPECIFIC personal breakthrough that you have had that you want to share to help people on their own spiritual journey to personal enlightenment.
That is what is meant by Alanon being a spiritual program. You grow as you gain your own personal insights, not by someone telling you how wrong you are in.
Early on in my program, years ago, I encountered a very angry old timer who insisted that newbies needed her to "kick their butts" once in a while and that was what the Alanon fellowship was about, ambushing newbies after the meeting and telling them exactly what was wrong with them and their thinking. I thought that was a sponsor's job! One on one, with someone you CHOOSE as having enough recovery to teach you how they got there. Can anyone say "taking each other's inventory?" LOL! I never said that to her though...she may realize it herself one day...or not...it is up to her and her own personal program. As far as I know she is still telling newbies exactly how messed up they are, and still proudly bragging to other angry old timers about how she had to "kick their butt".
I think that Alanon slogans are GREAT and i still use them...but in my own head to myself...which is what I think they are intended to do...not be spouted off at random to others.
Please forgive me for one last indulgance, LOL! "If you name it, CLAIM IT!" LOL...but...even though it came to my head last time I heard this old timer speak...I kept it to myself and resisted the urge to "kick her butt" with it, LOL.
Thanks Greta , I will keep it simple , You know u have some recovery when whats going on in your head isn't comming out of your Mouth . some one told me that along time ago . or in this case on ths board , out of my fingertips . hehe . Love Louise
Great post! I knew the program was finally working when I started using the tools I learned outside of my home. I took them to work. I used them in relationships that had nothing to do with addiction. I didn't "spout" the words. My actions were different from what they use to be, and I felt better about it.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for the reminder. Perfect timing for what is happening at my place of work. A group of people are in a total uproar about a certain incident, and they are trying to grab as many people into their little "mutiny" as they can. Back stabbing, gossiping, and just trying to make everyone's life miserable, because theirs is. It's extremely hard to not get enmeshed in anothers crap , when it is in your face on a daily basis. However , thanks to this program, I have used these alanon principles on several occasions lately trying very hard not to get involved. Isnt it enough to have to deal with the A's in our lives, but now have to deal with same personalities at work as well....(perhaps they are A's themselves or have been affected by anothers drinking). Who knows,,,but one thing I do know is that I have choices, and I can choose not to participate or spew venom at someone behind their back. Walk the walk than talk the talk, may it be in an alcoholic situation at home or any where for that matter. I am grateful to this program , or what you call the "Alanon Syndrome", because there is always something going to occur in our lives which will need this!
We work it cause we're worth it.
