The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I haven't been on in I don't know how long. I have been attending meetings in our room and trying to get to f2f meetings when I can.
As the topic states, this is my last post as Dolphin123. I have changed my name in the room to Mandy123 and will begin posting as Mandy next time. I have been working on me and saw that for me the nick Dolphin was a mask, and I can not work an honest program if I am hiding. So no more for me.
My hubby is still in jail (since 01/25) and should be getting out on 08/19. I am not sure how we are going to be. I love him, but the anger is so fierce. I have not allowed myself to fully work through just how much I resent him. He is already talking of meeting his buddies (from jail) at a bar the Friday after he gets out. And I know I can't control him, but it just shows me how serious he is about staying clean and sober.
The scary thing is, I have been talking with a friend for a while. And he is funny, sweet, kind, honest, and treats me respectfully. Nothing has happened at all. But it has been so long since I have enjoyed talking to someone of the opposite sex. And to a normal (well non addictive) guy. And I can see that I can attract other men besides my hubby. I know that my self confidence level has really come into play with me staying with my hubby for the past 10 years. I know I will not cross a line that I have set for myself, but it is so scary to realize how happy a little attention can make a person. I also know that I am attracted to the qualities in this man that I want in my husband. It is just funny that all this time I have been letting go a little more and a little more of what I want in a relationship. I know expectations are premeditated resentments, but I should be able to get something from my mate besides feeling so alone.
So once again I am at the place where do I stay with him, or do I let go. I don't expect to leave my hubby and then wind up with this guy. I just want to know what is best for Mandy. I know that if I am happy and making the right choices for me while listening to my HP, then I will be making the best choices for my kids. I am just not sure I want to spend another 10 years waiting for my hubby to want to be clean and sober.
Love you all.
Mandy123
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"Today's problems can not be solved if we still think the way we did when we created them" -Albert Einstein
Only had a moment, but I just had to say hi. Dolphin, Mandy or Rumplestiltskin... you are an important part of my new family. I am so glad you are here. ;)
If you prefer Mandy... so do I.
Take care of you.
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Dear Mandy, I don't know if you remember me: Lee Ann (screen name: itsgot2bgd). I haven't posted in forever and decided the other day to get back in the swing of things.
I have to say I was anxious when I read your headline "Last Post..." and was sooooo relieved to see you are continuing in the room, now with a more authentic feeling name. Good for you. :)
I'm so glad you had the opportunity to feel good about yourself and about this friend and the time you spent together. So glad to hear you felt enjoyment in being with a friend of the opposite gender. I'd take it as a gift or a message from my HP. (Friendships are always gifts from above in my opinion.)
I'll say a prayer for you that you gain confidence in yourself and clarity in what you want and courage and strength to go for it.
Ditto Mandy. I thought you were leaving the board. Whew! Change is good. Way to be honest with yourself. I am in a similar place. Not to stay or leave because he left. To go ahead and divorce him since he hasn't filed. Do I want to spend the rest of my life waiting for him to change?
I'm so glad to see you're back. We missed you, and your wisdom. Also, I'm glad you have a special friend in your life who values you. I really think life is too short to waste a moment.
Just a quick note - first: a wise woman once shared some wisdom with me, and it has always worked for me...."when in doubt, don't". Just a simple way to look at things, when your brain is going in so many different directions. I can totally identify with what you are feeling regarding your husband. I often wonder how long my marriage will last. I shared with him last weekend, if it wasn't for alanon, we'd be divorced by now - he replied "I know." I am often reminded at my f2f that he is struggling, too.
On another note, I have to share my inexperience....I was on the other night, and notice your name at the bottom of my screen, and had NO idea what that meant. Accept my apology - I wasnt ignoring you - just didn't know what it was all about.
Hugs, and don't worry - when you realize what makes you the most serene, you will have discovered your answer.
I'm glad you are still with us. I understand where you are coming from. I admire your honesty. But I also love the symbol of the dolphin: strong, free, intelligent, playful and loving. You are certainly all of those things. You have worked your program as best as you know how at any given moment. That's all any of us can do.
Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Just wanted to say a word about the subject of the friend.I have recently changed jobs and I work with alot of men.I still am so stunned and amazed when any of them actually go out of their way to help me and be nice to me.It is so foriegn to me.I just can't get over it.I think 'why would THAT guy want to be nice to me'...why would he go out of his way to help me'......it is so sad that I didn't realize there actually are really nice men out there.All I have known are alcoholics all my life.Family,husband,circle of friends.I want to know more of these nice 'normal' guys.I like being around them.They make me feel special.I wonder if 'normal' women who are used to being treated like this really even see it?
