You know we can fluctuate at times in dealing with our A's. Guess I'm going through another one of those times and my mother is getting on my nerves as well. About a month or so ago I told my A I was going to go ahead with a divorce since we didn't seem to getting anywhere in this relationship. But, with nothing more being said about it by either of us, I put it on the shelf. First, I just couldn't feel that I was 100 per cent certain of that step and so decided to do nothing (but I wouldn't argue if he wanted to go ahead with it which I sensed he didn't).But even more than thet, I didn't want my daughter to have it on her mind while she was studying for finals and while our son was awaiting the birth of his first born. In the meantime, we've gotten a little closer again and he gave me a mother's day gift, he comes over now and then,etc. He's had dinner with me the last few nights. But tonight my mother comes over to let me know that he went to a graduation of his old girlfriends daughter. And it does kind of bother me that he did. I had left him a message earlier about going to a graduation reception for my niece if he felt like it but he didn't return the call. So here's my mom trying to keep me informed and she just pissed me off. She herself does not like that he went, that he's such friends his old girlfriend and she says she does not want me to be in the "dark" and that he's leading a double life. Just when I think it's getting better with us, that his friendliness with other females is maybe just that - friendliness - because he's friendly with EVERYBODY, she plants seeds of doubt. And everytime I say " Well, they are old friends and she's nice to me", my Mom will come out with "Well, sure. She would be" "She doesn't have to live with him. You don't know what they do or where they go. They may be sneaky" She was trying hard to argue it with me and say yes every time I said no. She herself has been dry for about 15 years. And all she does is tear herself down. She apologizes for everything. When she buys gifts, she says how stupid her gifts are. When she cooks, she says how bad it tastes. She never likes to come to dinner but gets offended if she doesn't get invited. She gets all dressed up for church, looks lovely, but then says she looks stupid and won't go. She sometimes says what a mean-spirited or evil- minded person she is. She talks of her jealousies about her sister and others. And she is an intelligent woman! It drives me crazy sometimes. And tonight, I almost cried listening to her because I don't want my imagination to take off about his old girlfriend but I want to go into denial either. Maybe he has something going on and I don't want to believe it. Maybe there's nothing going on and I am creating a problem for myself and him. I try to tune her out and change the subject but the fact that she brought it up made it stick in my mind. I told her that if he really had a thing going on with this girl, then why doesn't he go for it. He's not living with me right now, he knows divorce was in the air, he can have his own life whether I like it or not. So why would he waste time coming over and giving affectionate kisses,etc. Or am I being naive about it all? I hate when I start feeling good again about him, me, and a lot of things and then I slip back 100 feet. Now I have to get it out of my mind again. If I were to get myself a guy right now, I would feel like I'd be betraying my A because our relationship is not really over. It's trying to survive and come alive again I think. I just couldn't do it and I don't want to think my A could or would. But I don't want to be a fool either! God, I hate this!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent this out. Maybe I can sleep now....jaja