Seeing my housemate make the grand gesture she did last night reminded me of all the times I broke my back to impress the A's friends or his mother or some such person. I have a terrible habit of that. Right now I am trying not to do it but its a pattern I really felt proud of before. I was really such a people pleaser.

I got very very little acknowledgement as a child, never got any from my siblings. So I suppose I am desperate to be noticed.

I didn't say anything when I came home last night to the mad cookathon. In some way it is amusing. My roommate is having someone stay breaching the rules about overnight guests. She kicked up merry hell about my dogs coming over. Then she initiates mad cookathons and one can't help but notice she is cooking for lots of people. I really wanted to be validated most of my life for my genorosity and my hard work. I had no idea how to go about it.

When the A and I speak which isn't that often but is more cordial these days we both acknowledge our codependence to the homeless couple who preyed on us. They were super manipulative and changed their story every day.

I know I am going to have to work pretty hard on boundaries from here on out. Somehow it doesn't seem like something alien anymore. I used to find boundaries impossible now I find myself thinking them 24/7 without resistance. I'm so glad that I discovered a place where I can talk about them without fear.

Maresie.