The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I came here, gosh only a 2 weeks ago at most. It has already made a huge difference in my life. I worked the first 2 steps, started posting up here, and set my official boundaries for AH. I've set boundaries before only to have him disregard them or talk me into letting him have beer in the house bc he promised to "just have a few". I've been let down so many times by him and always took it so personally - now I have slowly begun to understand that it's not a personal attack - he has a disease that MANY have, a disease that I may never understand. I was always trying to control the situation and would call him obsessively, worry, cry, get so angry and frustrated with the situations and things he put me through. I set my official boundaries with him last week - I say official bc this is the first time I've actually been able to enforce them. Last night my husband admitted that he needed help and that he was willing to get help. That is something that in 3 or more years of having this disease, he has never said. He'd say he knew he had a problem but he'd always go on, putting himself in the same situations, believing he could control it. He broke my first and second boundaries (no being drunk/high in the house and no drinking/using in the house) he came home drunk and brought beer. My sister had been in the hospital when he came home and I happened to be on the phone with my mom talking abt it at the same time AH came home (3am). My mom helped me to enforce the rule and he left at 4am. On Sunday AH came home and was ready to speak to my parents - first thing he did was apologize to my mom for rude things he'd said when he was drunk the other night. My parents talked to him abt ways he could get better and AH prayed to HP to come into his life and help him - and also agreed that he wants to start going to AA meetings. I am in awe at the turn of events in such a short time. I am not expecting a miracle overnight, but the fact that he's admitting he's been wrong and willing to admit he needs help is a huge step I wasn't expecting - at least not for awhile - I figured he'd fight me hard abt the boundaries at least for a month or more. Anyway, we plan to go to a meeting this week - maybe tonight if he gets off work in time - if not then we'll go on Sunday. I know that in reality, my husband may relapse or maybe even completely go back to it all instead of taking full advantage of the help - but at least I know that I have control over the way it affects me now - and no matter what, me and our kids are going to be fine, whether or not he gets better. BUT, it's still hard not to get my hopes up abt AH - I'm very proud of him right now - and I hope with all my heart that he will continue to take steps towards recovering from this awful addiction.
I was trying to edit, but I don't see the option. The MAIN reason I posted this was to give everyone a big (((net-hug))) and THANK YOU 4 THE SUPPORT!! I'm really glad to have found this place - it's given me an awesome start and a new outlook when it comes to AH and my life.
Wow, Gurl, that is so cool!!! I wish you and your husband the best. It sounds like you're in a good place, no matter what happens, and that's what this is all about.
