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Continuation from "Enforcing the Boundaries" post...AH came home Sunday, was all aplogetic, but I said "what do you have to say that's gonna be different than all the other times? I don't wanna hear the same old stuff - it doesn't mean anything." He said "I wanna get help." I was kinda surprised to hear him actually say it. I said "okay, I agree". My mom had told him on Friday night (very early sat morning really) that when he sobered up he could come over and talk and that her and my step-dad really wanted to help him get better. My step-dad, Asober and former drug addict - gave his life to HP one day and has been clean ever since - but he made alot of steps to change his behavior and help him be strong - started going to church and hanging around different people and in different settings. So I called my mom and told her that AH wanted to talk with them. AH also came with me earlier in the day to visit my sister in rehab. Anyway, AH began the conversation by saying to my mom "first I just wanna say that I'm sorry for the mean things that I said to you the other night when I was drunk". Then my stepdad talked to him abt the struggles he's went through and the steps he had to make in order to change his life and how much he'd been blessed with a new much better life, a new family (my mom and us), etc. My mom asked him if he was willing to give up alcohol and if he thought he'd have withdrawals if so - he said he was willing to give it up the alcohol/drugs and he didn't think he'd be having severe withdrawals since he always binges once a wk or less and doesn't drink/do drugs the rest of the time. They talked with him abt the fact that it wouldn't be easy and that it would take alot of courage and strength on his part, but that going to meetings and trusting in HP would be a big help - and that he could come over to talk to them or just my stepdad anytime, that if he relapsed that the most important thing was that he be willing to admit it and keep trying to move forward. They even offered to make tacos at thier house or take him out for tacos to bring back some wkends bc they know there's this one place he always goes for tacos but the temptation to drink is there. Although I am not IN his heart and mind, he really seemed to be very sincere abt wanting to change - the fact that he apologized the way he did to my mom is what made me feel that he's serious abt wanting to change. They spoke to us abt appreciating eachother, thanking eachother, and not bringing up the past to throw it in the other's face (I'm prob more guilty of doing that than he is!). Anyway we all prayed to HP and AH asked him to come into his life and help him with his A and drug addiction - we prayed to HP to help us in our marriage and family to grow stronger and closer. Before we went to bed last night we said another prayer to HP ourselves. AH told me thank you for loving him so much and that he loves me very much n he's sorry for all he's put me through. I told him "I've been trying to help you by trying to control everything (in regard to the drinking/drugs), I was so worried abt you and us, but I didn't handle it the right way". We hugged and went to sleep.
Keep it up! The biggest part of setting boundries is being assertive. Keep posting about your adventures. I hope that things keep getting better. It sounds like, even if HE doesn't change, YOU are chaging, and THAT is huge! Great work!
Sounds like you and AH have a really good support system and a good opportunity for healing to take place. It's awesome that your Dad is also working a spiritual program in his recovery that he can share with your husband. Since my AH found a sponser that is very strong in his spirituality it has lead us to a new church and lead my AH to re-dedicate his life to his HP. I will keep you both in my prayers. I agree with Tiger, keep setting those boundaries as you need to, they are for you.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
It sounds like a great start. For your A, having the awareness of his addiction and what he feels are his wrongs is wonderful since they live in a world of denial. Work your individual programs while supporting eachother. The suggestion by your parents to not bring up the past is a good one.. My husband and I do talk about the past but never to hurt eachother. Keep moving forward! ....and keep coming back.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
