I'm new to posting, too.  I've been reading here for about 8 months, posted a few times, and think I should introduce myself.

My partner -- he's more than a boyfriend -- is the first active A I've known, or at least who's been a big part of my life.  I had a few recovering A boyfriends, and interestingly enough, those were the ones who fell hard for me.  My best friend was also a recovering A.  We understood each other so well.  My grandfather on my mother's side was probably an A, and I wouldn't be shocked to learn I carry the gene, given the path my drinking was on before I met my A.  He was afraid that I was going to be the lush in our relationship, and it couldn't take two!  That's certainly the silver lining here -- I'm much more aware and have turned things around in that department, at least for the most part if I'm completely honest.


We both knew that his drinking was a problem, but since he'd quit heroin 10 -15 years ago cold turkey, never looked back, and can't believe he ever used, he thought he could do the same with the alcohol.  It took us quite awhile to realize that wouldn't be the case.  He went through the usual vows to quit drinking, I'd believe him and do whatever I could to support him, and of course in a few days he'd be back to a fifth a day.   After awhile I realized that it was just like my days of vowing during a binge that I was going to go on a diet and start working out, I was so sick of this, and would make up great programs of how I'd do that.   

It was ones of his 'slips' around Thanksgiving that brought me here.  His 'plan' didn't even last a day, and something inside snapped.  It just happened to be a day when I had taken off work, it just happened to be a day that had an Al-Anon meeting an hour and a half later, my co-worker had just happened to give me a list of Al-Anon meetings a month before that so I knew about it -- don't they say coincidences are Higher Power's way of remaining anonymous??  Anyway, I went to the meeting, cried the whole way through it, read the literature, found my way here, and have continued reading a lot.

It's all made a world of difference.  I'd already begun to realize that arguing with him when he was drunk, taking the bait, was just talking to a bottle.  Detachment just fell on me -- I was probably the very best at it in those beginning days.  We'd had some really ugly times in the previous year and a half, and those are pretty much gone.  I just don't engage anymore, most times anyway, and he just stops after a short while.

In many ways I'm very lucky.  He doesn't deny he's an alcoholic, doesn't try to hide anything, communicates his emotions very well and often (even when not drinking!), is very affectionate, lets me know how much he loves me and how important I am to him.   We have our own language and way of being with each other that brings me great joy.  If I let him know of something that upsets me, he'll very often think about it and let me know, through words and actions, that he really heard me.    He challenges me in good ways -- I could go on.  There's so much more to him and to us than just the drinking, at least in ways that are important to me.

The bad thing is that he already has health issues that the drinking is worsening.  We both know he's not likely to live all that much longer if he keeps this up, and he's only 40.  He got turned off to AA after being forced to go to many, many meetings at one point in his life, although I'd guess that he just went through the motions, given the circumstances.  His current hope is that he's planning to get a part-time job in a few weeks, which will keep him busy during the day (he's a baker who's home by 8:00 in the morning), and he won't be 'able' to drink like he has been if he wants to work both jobs.  I wish him the best with that but am certainly not counting on it.   
 
The other bad thing is not having a partner in day-to-day life.  He's either drunk, or he's recovering from being drunk.  He does do some cleaning and some yard work.  He's never met my family in 2 1/2 years because he always wanted to get himself back in shape first, and now it's a huge deal, we rarely do anything outside of the house together -- you know the drill.

Well, I guess that's about it for now.  You have no idea what it's meant coming here -- or actually, I guess you do.  It's been inspirational, thought-provoking, heart-warming, even funny!  I never was one, even as a child, to have many friends, and I really appreciate this community.  Thank you all!

Love,

Audrey