The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have done nothing but cry for the past 2 days. I hold it together long enough to make thru my meetings. But as soon as I am alone ( which is when I am not at a meeting) I cry hysterically. I have been on my couch crying all day. I can't even get it together enough to do anything besides get up to use the bathroom which for some reason makes me cry hysterically also. I am just wondering if anyone else has been thru this or should I be commited? I am just so sad and mad. I don't know what to do besides cry, sob. My heart hurts. It is a physical pain. I have been so mad I wonder if I am going to have a stroke. And I don't really care if I did. I don't want to kill myself or even hurt myself, but if I just stopped living that seems like a not altogether bad idea. I swear I keep trying and working this program to the best of my ability and I just keep getting worse and worse. Is this part of it? Will this end or am I destined to be like this forever? Is this going to get worse still? Where the hell is the bottom?
Maybe you might want to talk to your doctor - this is no way to live. Meetings are good, and you should keep going, but there is more help out in the world than just alanon.
I guess that is what I was looking for. That this feeling might be something more than working the steps or brining up as a topic will heal. The only problem is I have no insurance. And no money. I know the resouces available to me and at this point they are more limited than they ever have been. I will do what I can. Thank you guys for the input and the valadation that it is ok to take care of myself.
I feel the EXACT same WAY !! I just cant seem to get out of this hole that I am in.. I have cried until my eyes are swollen shut.. Only to cry some more. I am so hurt, so broken hearted just so broken all together. I dont know how to pick myself back up again. This is so hard, somedays I dont think I will make it. I went to the Dr.'s he put me on medication and STILL I feel like this. I go to counseling, meetings and read and STILL I feel like this. My husband isnt here and I love him and miss him very much.. I think about him every minute of everyday. I feel just like you, I could have wrote this post myself..
Yes, I've been there, too. When my first marriage broke up, and when I separated twice from my current H, I actually had clinical depression.
Crying, especially with deep sobs, is cleansing. What happened with me is that I was so depressed that I couldn't function and thought I was near a breakdown. After getting on anti-depressants which didn't kick in for about two weeks or so, I was still very depressed but I functioned enough to get the necessities done. The first time, a psychotherapy groups helped me because I didn't know about Al-Anon. The second time, I found Al-Anon and that helped to pull me through. Some States' health departments are helpful, also some churches have recovery groups for depression, divorce, and separation, that are free and are helpful along with Al-Anon.
I'm sorry for your pain. Heartbreak is one of the most painful emotions that I've ever had.
Among other slogans, "this too shall pass" gave me a lot of hope and still does.
Today, memories of my ex are blurred and no longer painful. Al-Anon helps me get along with my non-drinking dry AH.
Life is still painful for me sometimes. Alcoholism/dysfunction is a family disease and trickles down through the family. I have good times, too, which years ago, I never thought I would have.
Well, they tell us not to give advice but experience, strength, and hope. I have cried almost every day since my AHsober moved out 2 years ago. Some of the deep pain is historic that is comes from abandonment issues in my childhood. Some is grief for a relationship that has died. My readings say that you can't avoid the pain. Pain is good and leads use to recovery.
Have you gotten a physical? Keep looking for some kind of counseling. It helps. We all are coming from the same place. For myself I have to really work at making myself more important than my AHsober. We have a co-addicted relationship that really isn't a relationship at all. I really have my ear to the ground to listen to this program and really, really try to listen to my HP when I am in my darkest hour.
Nancy mentioned what i was thinking of... Grief. Grief is a part of the process. Whether we are grieving the end of a relationship or the change of a behavior within ourself... its grief, and we go through those same stages ... I can't recall them all... anger, denial, blame, acceptance, etc. I've gone through it several times. Read a post once that said something about the deeper the pain, the deeper the healing. Of course, it certainly doesn't hurt to check with your doc or go to counseling, often times you can find places that work on a sliding scale fee. And talking with the friends here in Alanon really helped me too. Just knowing that these feelings were normal, that others experienced it, helped to relieve me some. How long does it take to get through it? Different for all of us. Keep talking it out and listening to others. Someone may just say exactly what it is you need to hear that makes the lightbulb go on... one of those Aha! moments. Has worked for me every time.
Lots of love and (((((((((hugs))))))))) to you.
Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
I took antidepressants for the first month after I moved out. The doctor gave me samples. I didn't need them all. Sometimes medication can clear up your mind enough to start functioning and getting things done.
I went through that crying phase, where it just seemed like everything was too gloomy and there just did NOT seem any hope. I found myself "keeping it together for my kids" until I got them safely into bed, and then I would pretty much cry until I fell asleep, and during most of the waking hours outside of the view of my children. I finally had to "check my (male) ego", and went to my doctor, and he told me I had "situational depression" and prescribed some anti-depressants to help me through. I took them for about 4-5 months - didn't like the way I felt on them, but they DID help me get over the hump.
Crying is indeed cleansing, but like most things in life - balance is the key... When it is excessive, and you can't stop, it may be time to seek some medical help or at least advice.
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
