The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was out milking the goats when a police cruiser pulled up . . . I already knew what they were there for.
The A ran from police, was tazed into submission, and is now in the ER on police guard. "Sorry to have to tell you this, ma'am" said the cop. I looked him in the eye and said, "No, good. This is good."
Three cops just left the house -- yes it is one in the morning -- I gave them permission to toss the A's possessions, and they found felony amounts of marijuana/paraphernalia, a used syringe, and took every single one of his beloved rifles and pistols he's collected over the years.
The cops were very nice guys, and admitted how surprised they were at my "helpfulness". I just told them the truth. I will meet the narcotic detective Monday morning and he will help me get an ex parte and then a full restraining order. They lectured and lectured me that this is no joke, too many wives and girlfriends end up in the morgue, and to call them if I hear any sound. They are worried about me.
They made a million phone calls to dispatch to make sure that if the A is released this weekend that he will be taken into custody immediately.
So I sat on my couch and watched the beginning of the end for my A. I've been waiting and hoping for it all to end, and so at least, the "end" has begun. Guys, I knew this would break my heart. This is so sad, such a terrible waste of a life, of a really good guy minus the drugs/behaviors.
I'm going to do everything they tell me to do.
I feel relief. And numbness. But mostly relief. This is a terrible, terrible disease. Pray for us; for me, that I do not slack in taking care of my safety and continue to use this as an opportunity to grow . . . and for my A, that he comes to believe he can be restored to sanity. I have no current intention of continuiing the relationship, in spite of the love I have for him.
I think it is just hitting me what kind of danger I've been in all this time, and I just want to "hold" myself and tell myself how very sorry I am for not taking action a long time ago.
I'm rambling and half awake, but here it is. What I prayed for.
I'm so glad you are all there. Talk to you in the am.
((((Kim))) Glad you came here to vent and take care of you ;) Safety is first ,and I relate to your "awakening" of not realizing what dangerous situations we tend to learn to live with. Awareness is the first step kiddo. One day at a time. ~ Carla
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It works if you work it , so work it YOU'RE worth it <3
It just hit me that I ratted out my husband. He's in an ER, and once he calmed down, they'd have released him and he'd come home. No effing way.
It's kind of hard to believe it all right now. I know that death and despair are outcomes of the disease. My A would have ended up where he is eventually, if he didn't die first, even if I did nothing.
There was an opportunity to stop the madness, and I took it. I hope I gave him another chance to save his own life.
Aloha Kim...you don't have the power to give him another chance. You only have the chance to give yourself another chance and need a higher power to follow thru on that. I am glad that the cops came cause they are assets in your life as is the TRO and you will have responsibilities with that also not only him. You cannot make contact with him or you can be held in contempt of court if you take it that far. I hope you do. The way things have worked out shows me over again that HP answers prayers. I was taught that this program is an "sya" program. You get the opportunity to use assets to keep yourself safe for once.
I read your post just after I replied with an e/m and there is some stuff on that I learned in earlier program and really worked for me. I also left some stuff out but will share that with you also if you ask. I was and still am concerned for you and hope you are more concerned than I or the cops.
You ratted your addict out...NOT even close. He was caught a long time before you opened your mouth. He is responsible. Keep it that way for your own peace of mind and serenity.
I have some ((((hugs)))) for you. I'll bet there are more coming.
Glad you are safe. It is so sad to see such a life wasted away. But perhaps this is what he will need to get back his life. I will continue to keep you and your animals in my prayers. Prayer too to your hubby. Be safe brave lady.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
(((Kim))) Sorry your going through all of this...no one should have to feel scared in their own home. Just remember, he has his own HP too. He will do what he needs to for himself, so should you. If your scared that he is going to come home angry - don't be there for him to take it out on. In my area, our local hotel will put you up without releasing that you are even staying there if you are in danger. Safety comes first. He is angry, and possibly on something, or coming down. It's the disease so don't feel guilty. At ALL. I'll pray for you.
Is there anybody you can call to come and stay with you for a bit? I know you can't go into town because of the animals, but it's gotta be hard to be on your guard every minute - you need to sleep. I also don't believe that 'ratted him out' is accurate, but the chances are, HE'LL see it that way...
I am sorry all this has happened and that you have to go through all the unpleasantness attached to it. Maybe this is his bottom, and he will seriously seek the help he needs. I hope so. Meantime you take care of YOU. Do what you must to keep safe. You are both in my prayers. I wish you well.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My qualifier was in jail for 8 months. It was definately my bottom. Sadly, since his release I see it was no where near his bottom. Setting clear boundaries that I was ready to enforce was critical to my recovery, really my sanity in dealing with him. I needed alanon, a sponsor, a lawyer and a therapist to help me figure what actions I needed to take and what I needed to let go of. I pray that you reach out to healthy people now to help you through this tough situation.
Know that someone is here for you at all times. I'm glad you feel as you do about "ratting him out". You allowed him a shot at getting his life back in order, I hope he takes it..It's not often they take time to stop and think. Whether he takes it or not is up to him.
Take care of you the best you can and know that you did the right thing, especially for you.
Live in peace Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Yes, the most important thing now is FOR YOU to be responsible for YOUR safety. The police will help as much as they can, but ultimately it's up to you. In my state, they goof up a lot.
Once he's in jail and can't get out, you'll be safe. When he's out, you'll have to take precautions.
You're in my prayers - I'm praying that HP will help you with your pain of going through this traumatic situation ( which could be a blessing in disguise ). I'm praying that HP will guide you and show you creative ways to protect yourself.
It's true, no action I take will "give" him a chance, I took action to protect myself. I read the responses and have been mulling them all morning. I guess I was tripping last night about ratting him out . . . I'm damn glad I did, whatever the outcome for him. For me, it is blessed relief.
He relapsed briefly three years ago, totaled his truck and lay in our backyard bleeding and banged up. I called 911 and he was hauled off for treatment. He mentioned later that he was glad I did what I did, it put him back on track. The way he said it was "You did a very hard thing for ME". Even then, I knew that wasn't true. I did it to get him away from me. And that's my overriding thought NOW, just get him out of my life so he'll leave me alone.
I'm aware of the obligations under the TRO. Believe me, contacting him for any reason is not on my mind, nor will it be. I've gone through this enough for the last year to know when something is very bad and should be over.
Today, I feel this "quietness" inside. I'm enjoying what I usually enjoy. It's an intermission. The hard to look at thoughts are clear and I'm getting strength to face their truths and make decisions.
I live two properties down from the officer who came to notify me last night, and he said I could call him at home if he was off duty, howz that for cool? The other two cops made the same overtures. I am also armed, mainly to protect my critters from predators. I can lock the front property gates and also the house, which he has no keys to. All the windows lock. I have a Great Pyrenees guardian dog who patrols the property all night long, and she'd even raise hell barking at me if I was nuts enough to take a midnight stroll. She doesn't bite but she's HUGE and looks like she will :D .
Still, these are all reinforcements to my own efforts to stay safe, my own resolve to keep the boundaries up and solid. I get that, and so appreciate that advice.
I thank HP and my fellow Alanoics for the perserverance it took to NOT do something stupid, but to wait for HP to be more cunning, baffling and powerful than my A's disease (thanks for that gem, Jerry!). I thank HP and you all most of all for caring about what happens to me. I see that I've not done such a good job of it. My animals are sleek and healthy, my dogs are spoiled rotten, but who takes care of Kim? I promise to all of you that I will, without a thought to what the A in his insanity wants from me.
(((((Kim))))) Ada girl! Enjoy that "quietness", I so relate to that term because that is exactly what I felt the first night on my own after leaving the chaos of the alcoholic enviornment for good. Almost safe like...Not tortured...but I have learned too that so many times my gutt instinct was tryin to nudge at me and I would just ignore it ,like I hear so many others say...For me I think that "quietness" was hp way of saying just that "ada girl"...kinda like a pat on the back to encourage me to press forward and stick with my plans. Glad you're here! Hugs~ Carla
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It works if you work it , so work it YOU'RE worth it <3
Please keep in touch with us about this. I know that this is so stressful. But as you said its also relieving, in a big way it's also relieving. Someone is in charge that is not you. ((HUGS))
Oh Kim, I am so sad that he is so sick. It was inevitable by the way he was so out of control. It is awful becuz he is an addict, not a horrible person. We should have jails and prisons just for A's. Especiallly ones who have pretty much only hurt themselves.
I know it hurts, you are right too. It is so much more dangerous than we realize, We get so numb to the horribleness of it.
I never went thru anything as horrible as what I did with the A. Never in my life. He too could have easily killed me. He already crippled me. My shoulder on my right hurts all the time. He flipped me over or something. All I know is I hit the floor in horrible pain.
He told me if I called the police they would arrest me too. I am so so afraid of handcuffs and being confined. I would go crazy. I mean it. So I did not call. But I kicked his butt out for the last time.
Yes you listen to the police. Keep a phone next to you and a FLASHLIGHT. Do you have a cell phone? this is my experience. Always have a plan. Keys to vehicle hidden outside, some money and phone numbers.
My A got my phone and threw it, got my keys. I had a key in my purse and took off. Was so mixed up, I stopped at a house and called the sheriffs. They were heading up there as I was heading down. I ended up at the Bank and they helped me, got me to the cell phone place so I had a phone.
If I did not have that key, I could be dead.
One time I hid in one of my pigs houses. HE was so out of his mind on pills and alcohol. Was horrible.
I would not leave my animals. What the last time was, he was chasing this dog. He was bent down trying to grab the dog. I pulled him back by his sweatshirt hood and said don't take your crap out on the dog. Then he flipped me.
He was not this way until after the brain surgery.
Life is so calm and mellow now. YOu will heal and the animals will help you. Pick yourself wildflowers and put them in your house> smile
I just put these sorta mini purple thistles, daisies and some weeds together. So pretty.
Wish I could bring ya some and some chicken and dumplings... well pretend I did. hugs hon, love,debilyn
