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AH still in rehab. Talked to him last night. I told him about a job interview that I had. I'm really excited about the job and I hope I get hired. It's exactly what I've been looking for. The only drawback is that it requires overnight travel about 50% of the time. AH asked me how he was supposed to go to AA meetings if I was out of town and he had to keep the kids. It just really frustrated me. Alcohol has taken so much from me and now I cant even accept the job that Ive been hoping for because of it? It just seems so unfair. Am I being selfish?
I know he could go to meetings on his lunch break from work but he also sometimes needs to go in the evenings. It just seems like Ieven if sober, I am still going to have to take on the responsibilities of both of us. Help? Words of wisdom?
Hi karrele, Don't take it on. Detach Detach Detach I hate manipulation.. He could get a sitter for a couple hours just like anyone else would do. Their his kids too, not just yours. I hope you get the job and do what you need to do for yourself and your family. His disease is his to deal with, along with life and whatever comes his way. No one ever got better by being babied. Learning how to deal with life on it's terms can only be an asset.
There is AA people that will be more then happy to give him a ride. If it were me and my husband asked me "how am I supposed to_______? My answer would be "You are an adult, figure it out"
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My ah just always took the kids with him. I work evenings, we had no $ for a sitter so he just brought them along. My middle one took her first steps at an AA meeting into the arms of a long time member. They have grown up in meetings ( mine and his) and look forward to getting to go to their own meetings (alateen) in the future. When he was truly working his program it worked out great. In the beginning, he would give me the same song and dance about not being able to watch the kids because of the meetings. So, for awhile I would scramble to get people to watch the kids and since I am surrounded by enablers it wasn't the hardest. But I became resentful pretty quick and turned it over to AH. He figured it out.
Thanks guys. I see your point now. If I allow him to do this to me I am no better than before. Still trying to take control of everything, take on his responsibilities as well as mine. My initial reaction would be to ask him well how am I supposed to go to work if you're at AA meetings? But I know that just bitterness and better left in my head than spoken. I have decided my only response can be "we'll figure it out somehow". That shows him I'm not willing to give up my happiness but at the same time support his sobriety. Ah...compromise.
Just the disease, reaching out its sick tentacles - ignore it. "We'll work it out" is exactly the right answer. If he really is working his program, at some point it will occur to him that he can come up with a solution - a sitter is the obvious one - and maybe you won't have to do anything. There is also a lot of AA available online, he could look into that.
No you are not being selfish. Your recovery has to be about you and for you. It's doing what is best for you. As for him getting to AA meetings, there are ways to get there. Many times other AA members will offer rides to members who can't get there - especially sponsors. Where there's a will there's a way for all of us. Good luck on your interview.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
