The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ive kept my distance from the A, been nasty in order to keep him away since last Saturday and today I couldn't help myself. I contacted him and was as bad as him pretending nothing had happened. Am I insane????
I don't think so, when they keep pushing you around - mentally and otherwise, it's only naturally to have the urge to do them the same. AH does that kind of stuff to me and I have retaliated at times - it's so hard not too - especially when you feel like ur trying so hard to be a decent person towards them even when they're not.
You are not crazy! Or you are as crazy as me! Which ever it is I am righ there with you. It is my mind telling me I'm nuts to want to continue to play the game. It is not love but my heart just wants him to love me, pay attention to me, take the pain away. I am so right where you are. I have no words of wisdom excpet this too shall pass and do whatever it is you feel you need to do to make yourself feel better and don't be hard on yourself when you do things like this. It is what you needed to do to get some relief. It will be ok, for both of us....much luck and love
I think we do the best we can with what we have at the time. A'ism is insanity and playing the games can get crazy, it's normal for those who are affected by this disease to get sucked into playing along with them. In my home we would argue, cuss each other out, cry, basically have a tantrum and act like babies and then a couple hours later we'd talk about it calmly and it would be fine. This is the game, and I'm tired of playing the game. Some days its just best not to engage in any conversation or rehash the past. I agree don't beat yourself up over this, you are in control of your life and your choices. The more tools I learn from Alanon the more my responses and reactions change.
Keep taking it One Day At A Time, have a wonderful weekend
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
