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I am losing my mind. As you all know, I married a wonderful man. He has his problems like we all do, but one of them I just can not tolerate any longer in my home. That is the damage that his exwife casues with their 13 year old son. I am at the point of seeking a divorce to get away from it, and thats not like me at all. But she uses the child as a pawn in her "DO what I want or else" life, and I am just sick and tired of it, and then the boy cops the same attitude. ANy advise.
No divorce isn't the answer, but I refuse to live my life this way much longer, its gonna kill me.
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Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself, only be concerned with the day you are living, today.
with my stepson I had to detatch from his mother and grandmother. I had to work hard on establishing a relationship with him. Let him trust me and let him know what I will expect and tolerate. I could do nothing about his mother, but when he was with us he was totally with us living by our rules. Being a stepparent is the hardest. good luck and try to detatch...
hang in there! al-anon has many tools and skills to offer folks that are really trying to improve themselves and their situations. what comes to my mind when reading your post, is that you are dealing with unacceptable behavior.
what has worked for me, has been to set boundaries. and i set boundaries for 2 reasons:
1. so that the people in my life know bad behavior aimed at me won't be tolerated
2. so I MYSELF have a guide of when i am being taken advantage of, walked on or disrespected
Teenagers certainly need boundaries as a guideline for what is right/wrong, acceptable/unacceptable behavior. That is how (in my opinion) kids learn how to grow into adulthood and part of society.
I would certainly discuss boundaries with my spouse, and certainly with the child as a united front. Rules of the house must be maintained!!!!!
Keep coming back and hope you can find and take advantage of all the ESH here and at face-to-face meetings. Please, take what you like and leave the rest.
much love to you and that difficult situation cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
IMO I think that you're husband has got to set certain bounderies with both his son and his ex-wife - otherwise it won't stop - as long as they know they can get away with it. If they have set court-mandated visitation - she cannot legally mess with that - and if she is preventing him from seeing his son or allowing their son not to come for visitation if he just "doesn't feel like it", then there is of course legal action that can and should be taken. If there is no court-mandated visitation set up - then that is something that should definitely be persued. I think persuing it legally might settle her down quite a bit. Regardless of how the son is acting - the kind of pull his mom is doing with his dad (and you) cannot be good for him.
