The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He had a couple beers (so did I) on Sunday, when a friend wanted us to drink his home brew. Maybe if I refrained he would have also, but honestly I doubt it. To the best of my knowledge, that was the last time he drank untill today, when I found a bottle cap in the garbage. I went straight to my daughter's coin purse (her real money is safe in the bank) and sure enough, anything in there worth taking was gone, including a $10 bill from a family friend. I used to pay the girls back the money he took, but I'm not going to anymore. I'll only be responsible for the money in the accounts I set up for them. This makes me so sad. He says because it's just one (admittedly tall) bottle of beer that it's OK, no big deal you know? Besides, he assured me he's going to pay the money back. He knows that's BS and right now he's too ashamed to look at me. Sometimes (alot of the time) I just wish I could live my life without him. I know that he loves me, but I wonder how long that will be enough.
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
It has to be one of the worst things, to know, and have your kids know that his disease steals from them.
You are wise to protect their assets. Good for you. Alateen has really helped a lot of kids. Have you considered it? Or maybe literature from it?
Believe me,your drinking has NOTHING to do with him using. You did not tip him over and put a funnel in his mouth.
He is an adult who as a disease. 3 C's, uno?
The disease just chips away at our heart. It finally got me where I love him, but have moved on. We are not divorced becuz I am very Bible based and it is clear we are not to divorce unless your spouse commits adultery. Only free to remarry if that or they die.
This is my belief, not pushing it on anyone else.
It is so sad to have the love die becuz of a disease. hugs,debilyn
I've been thru the missing kid money before. All you can do is be honest with the kids and let them know where it went. I'm sure you tuck your money away and though kids shouldn't have to, they'll learn to do the same.
I wouldn't heap on the guilt to the A, like you said he already feels guilty. Remember that we aren't to relieve them of their guilt (like replacing the money), but we aren't to punish them with it either. It's the disease, who would want to steal from their own children??
I wish it were easier. Keep working your steps -- the first 3 work daily, It's the only thing that got me thru on some days.
An addict is going to do what an addict is going to do. Nothing we can do about it. Unfortunately, an addict can't just have one drink. We all know that. No such thing as a social alcoholic. You choosing to have a beer or 2 has nothing to do with his choice to drink or not. Now I choose not to drink in front of my hubby, despite his 1 year sobriety. I'm not comfortable with it. But that's me. If I did choose to have a glass of wine, it would be his choice to drink or not. I'm sorry he's gotten the kids involved in this. It's so hard on them. Hopefully they are attending meetings and know that it is not their fault. Just like it is not yours.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I use to think that we were the only household that had to try to find new places to "hide" our money, purses, checkbooks, etc. to keep my AH from finding them & stealing money.
My girls learned at an early age to keep moving their money, I kept trying to hide my purse, checkbook - but to no avail - He would always find it.
At the end, my AH stole my daughter's checks & forged her name to 4 checks. She, with my encouragement pressed charges against him. She got her money back. He made resitution and was able to get the charges dismissed.
But I always thought it was my fault because I had brought this man into our household. Maybe I was partly to blame. I had no idea what to do to try to help our daughters (his & mine) deal with his drinking/using.
Someone suggested Alateen, but I was too afraid of those "secrets" getting out at that time. I know now that Alateen probably could have helped them a lot.
I was doing the best I could with what I had - Now I know a better way.
Today, I have the tools to share about recovery, about setting boundaries, about having a safe place for everyone to keep their stuff with worrying about it being stolen, even if it is a room in the house that stays locked.
Progress not Perfection - Try to keep working on what is safe and healthy for you & your children. All of you deserve it.
Peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
The first time I drank in front of my AH after he found sobriety was at a Christmas party a few months back. I wasn't sure if I should or not, but in the end I decided that if I wanted a beer, I was going to have one because Lord knows, he would have one if he wanted to and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Sometimes the social situations can be awkward, but he has come to the point where he will just let me know that it's getting difficult and that he is ready to leave. After that, it is up to me to choose to go with him or stay without him.
Remember that what he chooses has nothing to do with whether you choose a drink or not.
Remember that what he chooses has nothing to do with whether you choose a drink or not.
It's true isn't it? I mean, he brings alcohol into the house everyday and I don't drink it because I DON'T WANT TO. Besides, He was never sincere in his effort to stay sober, he was sincere in his efforts to not spend money, for which he had temporarily succeeded. However, I recently found out that before he looted my daughter's piggybank, he wrote a check from his account that he knew would overdraw. Everytime he overdraws, his bank automatically advances a small sum from a credit account to cover the damages. He owes a huge debt on this credit account by now, I am trying very hard to keep it NOT MY BUSINESS, but it is very hard when everything we have is all entangled. I mean, the $$ that goes to that accout every month should be going toward the food, gas, and bills, of which I am mostly resposible for. UUUGH I know I can get through this Jamie
-- Edited by RainyJamie at 12:49, 2007-05-26
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
