The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Last night I spoke to the Uncle that the A is supposed to be moving up to live near by.
Apparently the A lies to everyone. He has pained this picture that he has everything under control and it is all a-ok. I told the Uncle the truth. He said that the A could of course stay up there but he hadn't asked and here is the kicker the dogs could stay too and would be safe.
I felt somewhat relieved that I had at last spoken to one of his family member show is sane. The brother is totally mired in frustration with the A. The mother is totally in denial and doesn't want to do anything. I got nowhere with them.. The Uncle is rational and sane.
He said he felt the A is digging a hole he can't get out of and will end up in jail.
One member here pointed out to me that the logical thing is that that is likely to happen to the A.
So I have been working on that accordingly. I have the order saying the truck is mine. That would protect me in some respects although it is underinsured at the moment.
Legally I would have to know if the truck is taken in. That would give me the cue that the dogs are at the humane society and I could take action then. The least I can do is to make sure my dog goes back to the shelter she came from (which has a no kill policy).
So I feel better today. If the A shows up there with the Unlce I have a diaglogue going. I can work on getting the truck back. I can also work on monitoring what happens to the dogs.
In some ways having walked miles looking for the A was helpful. I was so exhausted I could just sleep. But obviously I cannot spend my nights looking for the A. I just have to put him and the dogs in god's hands.
I think what I am also coming to is that I cannot trust anything the A does or says. He is just a tissue of lies now. He is so lost in his drugged out abyss. He lives in la la land with his fantasies and his procrastination. I don't have to live there with him. I stepped off the edge. I don't miss that craziness but I miss my dogs tremendously and I feel heartsick that he is (a) neglecting them (b) putting them at risk and (c) deliberately not taking the steps he needs to take care of them.
Last time I saw the A all he could talk about was going to the country . I have come to the conclusion that the only person who is stopping him is him. I am also sick to death with it being about him 24/7 night and day every second of the day. There is no room for my needs wants, desires. There is only room for his chaos, his crisis, his needs and his wants. There is no one scrap of space for anything else. His brother was venting about that the other night. It is strange to see the brother totally at a crisis point over dealing with the A. That is where I have been for years. He gets you to the point where you jsut vent and vent and vent and then he manipulates you again.
So I feel better today. I feel less in a double bind. I feel helped. One member here is helping me a great deal with animal rescue organizationa and referrals. I feel conscious and rested. I also feel less like it is "my fault"
mary it is no way a fault of anyones!!! did you give him alcoholism? He was born with the genes that were turned on with out his fore knowledge!
If he had cancer and this happened who's fault would this be. Crimany you did your best.
Ok let me tell ya my experience. short believe it or not. A's want to be where they can use. Most will sabotage a good thing, though maybe not a fun play to use, to be in the gutter, so they can use.
I KNEW my A always went to mommys. always,she is the number one winner in enabling.
Well she is in a nursing home.Sooo he moves in with her horribly slutty, icky, dieing from cancer friend, who my A lived with before when he was guttering. before he lost his ability to have sex he would just move in with any female the disease could use.
I had flashes of him doing this but poo pooed them. Wish I had trusted my intuition. Probably would not have been hurt so badly.
Anyway, you cannot fall thru the cracks dear, I have invisible handcuffs on you to me and hp.
Wow you sound better, like some acceptance is creeping in... Any thought of just asking the uncle if he can take the dogs the next time he sees the A? Then you are being proactive. Amazes me still how things fall into place and people appear out of nowhere when you need them or are about to and don't even know it yet. As for the truck it can sit in the impound yard for weeks before you find out and that can be VERY costly!!! If you have the paperwork you could report it stolen although I know that would be hard to do. If he does end up in jail at least he is safe from himself there. I really feel for you, I think when they start sliding like yours has they keep spiraling down in self pity and that's hard to watch. As you know, my A is probably going to prison for many years and although I am interested in the outcome it doesn't affect my daily life anymore, I have just come to accept that it is what it is and move on. You will get there too with time.
Glad you are beginning to get to the understanding of how much the disease is not your fault. For me, that was a good sign of the healing that was beginning to take place.
Hoping you will have good news about the dogs soon - from your post it sounds like they are very important to you and close to your heart.
Wishing you Peace & rest, Rita
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No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
