The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been rolling a post around in my mind for a few hours . . . I'm talking about the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. I am terrible at remembering entire plots but I remember the premise of the movie . . . the guy wakes up to the same day over and over and over again, at first fighting against it, trying to find a way out, then accepting it and becoming a piano virtuoso among other things. At least that's what stuck with me.
Yesterday the A limped home after a week or so gone (he went to the post office to pick up a package for me and called from 77 miles away for me to pick him up after his motorcycle was stolen. Needless to say I did not pick him up).
He comes home, he's sorry, he has insights and revelations now, he's still crazy and disorganized mentally. He insists that he uses because he is so afraid of losing me. He insists that if I just lay down with him he'd feel better about everything. He is frustrated because he stays sober for a while but I don't sleep with him, avoid his attempts to pull me down on the couch with him, refuse to come sit in his lap. I love the animals more than I love him, and he uses drugs and gets plastered because I don't give him any attention or affection.
I tell him kindly that I can't sleep with him, I do not trust where he's been, and to open my heart to him affectionately is a sure way for me to feel terrible confusion and pain, so I don't. He says he's so scared, he knows this will kill him.
Repeat, oh, about twelve times in the last year, probably more, I've lost count. Don't forget the week on the couch moaning about this or that pain he accrued while out tweaking or falling down drunk in the Spokane river.
What did Bill Murray's character in the movie finally do, or realize for himself, that set him free? I can't remember and it's driving me crazy. I know it's a movie, but there's a "truth" to be had in the story line.
What I remember is he began playing the piano, and over the bazillion repeated days he worked and worked on his playing until beautiful music just flowed out.
There is something THERE in that movie speaking to me. Does anyone else relate to this? I'd love to hear what you have to say!
Thank you so much Kim for posting this, it reminds me so much of my own life. Isn't one of the definitions of insanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I think Bill Murray's character learned to give and love honestly and selflessly without expecting anything in return and that was what broke the spell. Kindest Regards.
Ok dear, for me it showed, he learned to love life, he learned to look at everything positively and no longer felt cold about everything. He was not an A H omg A lcoholic H usband = A H OLE.
Oh dear....anyway lol lol
ok ok I am up too early. He allowed himself to feel real giving, real caring, real respect, real compassion. He became the kind of person people love. he let go of all negative. Took him awhile and many tries. But each time it became more real for him.
When he finally "got it" his eyes opened and he did not go back to that negative existance.
Well did that help? I guess we go thru and go thru the same A bs.then if we keep bumping our heads and bumping our heads, we finally get sick of it and start to grow and change.
Omg Kim, you just described exactly my experience with my A.i mean down to the complaining about being alcohol and other dope sick. Begging for pills and hunting for them on my experience.
Gaddddds I hated that complaining crap. NO Thankyou.
Anyway you are a very bright woman. Thankyou for the post!! love,debilyn
Hate so much that you are in one of those times with your A. For me, that is a very painful time and usually very difficult for me to maintain my healthy boundaries and to take care of myself. I just want the knot in the pit of my stomach to go away!!!
Have seen the movie a few times - bits and pieces - I understand it to try to say that His character learned that instead of trying to let other people make him happy - He learned to accept life and be happy where he was - Even if it was stuck in the same day over and over again. Just my interpretation.
Please give yourself the care and self-love you need - you have had some really tough days lately.
Wishing you tons of special moments of peace, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
Funny, as soon as I saw the words I knew exactly what you were going to say, about the insanity of doing the same thing over and over. The thing about the movie though was that he did something different every day and still there was the same ending, the next day was the same as the last. It wasn't until he accepted his fate that this was to be his existence and became comfortable with it that the next day was new. The thing I remembered about the movie is that in the beginning he was a complete self absorbed ahole and by the end he was kind to everyone and learned to appreciate everyone's unique special qualities. He became selfless I suppose.
Just had to say I'm sooooo glad you posted this when you did. HP works in mysterious way LOL. Just yesterday I was telling my son (9) about this movie and I laughed remembering parts of this movie. I told him if we had a chance we'd have to stop into block busters and pick it up (if it's rating is okay). We didn't get by there, but I told him we'd go this afternoon.
Then I read your post. My life seems to be a repeat of the same events over long periods of time. Every 6 - 8 - 12 months I'd say "Crap" wasn't I just at this place (which usually ends up meaning at step one LOL) and I'd really be ill with life in general. Kind of like Bill Murray but hopefully not near a bad!
Rita's reply was wonderful, we are to keep the focus on ourselves so when she said "I understand it to try to say that His character learned that instead of trying to let other people make him happy - He learned to accept life and be happy where he was - Even if it was stuck in the same day over and over again. Just my interpretation." I need to do this, acceptance is the key It was like the more he faught being in that same day the worse it was -- do I know that feeling !!
Anyhow, I don't know that my reply here helped you at all, but your post sure helped me today so Thank You!!
It was his situation of being stuck in a repeating cycle and how he got out that was bugging me for a while yesterday. Being stuck in "same sh*t, different day" couldn't be more an appropriate description to our lives with a chronic alcoholic addict. And the "remedy" . . . he softened up to love and acceptance. Sounds like irony (well it is!) when it comes to living with a using A, that it is ME that needs to soften up to love and acceptance of where I'm at. But that's what I need to do.
It all comes down to 'the only person we can change is ourself".
