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he is now living in the truck with the two dogs. He has no money and no place to stay.
When I heard this last night I just about collapsed.
I had the feeling last time I saw him that the dogs were spending a lot of time in the truck. I had no idea they were staying there.
What this means is (a) I can't serve him as I have no phsycial address for the sheriff to go to. (b) I feel he is at real risk for suicide and worse. (c) I am concerned about his health he has a skin disorder and can't be out in the sun. (d) Needless to say I am also on the roof about his mental state to be living like that.
I believe he has been staying with his brother some of the time. He took stuff up north on the weekend.
i keep getting all kinds of conflicting advice about this. Some friends of mine just want to go get the truck but given he is living in it there is all his stuff in there. That is not to mention the dogs. I am not emotionally up to putting my dogs in a shelter. I can't do it. I want to but I can't do it.
What's more I am concerned about the a's reaction to this. i think he is close to the deep end. I would be at real risk. I may have a restraining order but that would provoke him.
i nearly went under last night from anxiety around all this. I could barely stand up.
The anxiety is overwhelming. How coudl he let himself get to this point? Needless to say he sitll wont' ask for help. He is confused, irrational and withdrawn. And of course he is at very high risk for everything, illness, the works.
Well I have only one answer to how he got there and it has nothing to do with me. .
His brother seemed pretty fed up and worried sick. At the same time he didn't seem as antagonistic as he was before. He has had to deal with the A for a while now and it has worn on him. I know what it is to be left with the responsibility of delaing with him. I felt for him. I also know he feels extremely conflicted about the dogs. Like me, he adores them. I am sure he feels very very angry about being put in this position.
In some ways I am relieved. I am not sure I was up to going to get the order anyways. I would also have had a really hard time taking off from work. I jsut go tthis job. I am barely housed myself. I am also as you can all gather totally emotionally exhausted and sick with worry and fear.
Please let me know your esh. I know other people have been through similar things. What did you do? Of course I still love the A and feel desperate that he has left himself so vulnerable. At the same time I think this may be one of the few times he will know that he has to change. If he doesn't change of course he is on such an edge who knows what will happen.
I can certainly feel the pain and emotions you are going through over this. The truth is your A had options he could have been working on. He still has options instead of living in the truck, he could choose a homeless shelter for 30 days to get back on his feet. He chose this life, continues to choose to use or not use drugs and alcohol. If his life and his well being is not important to him, there is nothing you or anyone can do for him. Lift him up to HP and begin to detach with love. I'm truly sorry about the dogs, I hope an alternative comes up for them. Just a suggestion, the Humane Society here, Petsmart, and SPCA have resources to homes that "foster" animals for families of abuse/neglect/abandonment/ or natural disasters. Maybe contacting one of those agencies to have see if there is a family who would be willing to foster care the dogs until you can get them back. Just an option.
It is sad when those we love choose not to love themselves and make good decisions. It is unthinkable to many how a person could let themselves sink that low in life. It is not your fault, he can either continue to wallow in his own poop, or he can pick his behind up and do something for himself. If he chooses to wallow then that is where he will stay. People can pray for him, give out healthy suggestions and options, but until he's plain disgusted with living his life like that he won't do anything about it.
Take care of you, you are choosing life and that is beautiful. Keep your chin up girl.
Peace, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
I heard in a meeting: "Until the drinking became a problem for me, it wasn't a problem. It certainly was a problem for those I loved, for the law, and for the community. But it wasn't a problem for me. And when it became a problem for me, I did something about it." Maybe by living in a truck, it'll be a problem.
This is tough on you, and I know that awful knot of anxiety, personally I would not take any truck away from him though Its probably the right thing to do, rock bottom and all but personally I did not do that as I know it would make me feel worse. you take of you and whatever that means to gain some kind of peace of mind, I would not be able to put the dogs in a shelter either, the only thing I might do is get some food to the animals in case he is too far gone to do this as they need your help but if you have a restraining order you would be breaking it if you do this directly so perhaps indirectly, the best of luck to you in this,
After my ex and I split up, he lived in his car. He didn't have any place to park the car to sleep at night. I think the police must make car sleepers move. So I would wake in the morning and find him sleeping in his car in my driveway. ugh! I would make coffee and after a while I would notice he was gone. I too felt as you do. In the end though, It was his choice...he kept on with his drug use which got him in the car in the first place. I decided to stay out of it, believe me it was difficult. Thank goodness it was not my vehicle. He did find a place to stay after a bit. I really think he was sleeping in my driveway in hopes I would rescue him, just like I had for the 25 years we were married. I didn't. Somehow I had the strength to forget for once what will the neighbors think and just let it be. After a while he quit it and did find a place to stay. He has his own place now and seems to be doing all right. I really don't know though, I don't ask anymore, I stop ppl from telling me, I just don't need to know what he is up to. I stay out of it. I let him be...So I can be.
Concerning your dogs, there are places here that will take in animals for people who just can't care for them at the moment. When things return to normal (I know I know what is normal?) they return the dogs to their owners. Maybe you can check around for something like that in your area.
Hang in there, Time helps so much. For me this transistion period was the worst. It took me alot of practice to let him go. To quit wondering when he would get to his bottom. If this was his bottom.
i can't thank you all enough for your words of solace. They mean a great deal to me. I am fearful for the A very very fearful. At the same time I am glad to be away from it 24/7. I do not know what my next moves will be. I will just back up and see what happens next. I have decided that is my course of actions. I have much to do anyways with mending my credit and more.
You can't take care of anyone else until you literally take care of yourself. You have come so far. You didn't cause this situation with him. They tell us to let go and this is difficult most of the time. And as others said he has an HP too. As for the dogs, in some states there are places that keep them all alive. There is one in southern Utah. Gosh I hope some of this helps.
My A is really swirling down the drain, and I wonder how low he can go. I thought I was really good at not rescuing him from his consequences. You are terrific! I know you suffered a lot with anxiety over this, but you brought the anxiety HERE rather than rescue him. That seems to be a big deal to me!
I know you feel really bad for him, but stay strong! Maybe this is his bottom, and he will crawl out of it soon. Praying that you find a little serenity through all this, with love, TLC
I had to watch my A live in the truck and then get it impounded in a dui and lose the truck (with my name on it too) and then I gave him the car and he lived in that until he got arrested and I went to get it out of the impound (still sitting in my driveway). I would say from my experience to imagine the probable end result - which is he goes to jail and the dogs get taken to the pound and the truck is lost. I don't know your connection to the truck or his but I would say that usually the imagined result is what winds up happening. CYA I know it's hard, it was really hard for me but the Fake it until you make it motto is what works for me. I pretended I didn't care and that it didn't hurt me in front of him and now after time and events I feel that way for real more and more every day. HE is HIS responsibility. YOU are yours!!! I don't know what to say about the dogs except to wish for and try to find them a good home since neither of you can take them.
