The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, I broke down and did it. I spent the weekend with my ex A b/f. After much hesitation, I agreed to this because I needed closure once and for all. After all, thats all I've been wanting for months now. I went into the weekend with my guard up, at attention, more thank its ever been before!! The only 'rule' we made prior to the start of our weekend on Friday night, was to leave our cell phones home so that we didnt have any distractions. The weekend was about him and I~~Two people that shared so much together
Well as it turned out, we had an unbelievably great weekend together. It wasnt like it used to be though. It was more like him and I were incredibly great friends. We talked about lots of things. From when we were a "couple", to what made him make the decision to end our relationship, to his current status, to my current status, to the weather! We talked, and talked.... and talked! It was actually a really nice weekend. I think we could both agree on that. There was no tension, no arguements, no confrontation, and for once I went into a situation without my wallet! Which meant whatever he had planned was his doing and his responsibility to pay for (this is so out of the norm for me, in the past I have ALWAYS offered to either contribute or pay--but this weekend was his idea)
I am happy to say that he is still active in the AA program and has not had any desire in months to pick up a drink or do drugs. That in itself is HUGE! For that I am soooo proud of him!!
From all my observations over the weekend, I concluded that:
1) he still loves me 2) his head is all over the place 3) if he can stay sober, he will succeed in life in regards to work, relationships, etc 4) he is not currently involved with anyone (90% sure of that one)
and most importantly
6) he is truly sorry for the heartache he caused me
He hasnt been sober all that long, and I know this is a lifelong process. My promise to him was that if he ever needed a friend or an ear that I would always try to make the time to offer such.
The weekend ended with two people that used to be so crazy in love hugging each other not wanting to let go.
He knows that right now I am not ready to let him back into my life romantically, but that I will always be here as a friend should he need me.
This morning I woke up wishing I had a crystal ball so I knew what my future holds with him. I will take the friendship without hesitation but I'm not sure I could ever take it further than that and I made that extremely clear to him. Of course he still means the world to me, but in the past 2 months I've learned a lot about his disease and the repercussions of it. Thats not something I miss at all. If it wasnt for all the support Ive gotten here or at Alanon mtgs, I wouldnt have come as far as I have!! For that I want to thank everyone who has responded to my personal posts and to all those who use this message board. Its amazing how much Ive learned from reading all your posts!!
Thank you again!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
So glad u had a great weekend , and people tell me that friends first works - go figure . If your like I was it was attraction period physically mentally and boom we were in a relationship somehow we missed the friend first . Early sobriety is nuts for everyone I lovingly refered to my husb as Stark Raving Sober and just like u said head all over the place , plans changed every day with out a prog of my own I would have gone nuts trying to keep up to him , thanks to alcoholics in recovery and Al-Anon members I was prepared for his sobriety , I kept busy working on me , daily contact with my sponsor I had to learn that this sobriety was none of my business and to stay out of it . Sitting for a coffee if only 20 min a day was a bonus compared to what we had before sobriety i learned to enjoy the good time accept what was offered and fill in the blanks by myself. You don't mention if you are attending meetings for yourself , I hope u will consider doing so , you need support this board is wonderful but u are m issing so much of what this program has to offer if it is your only contact with Al-Anon . Just my opinion . good luck enjoy the good days and keep the foucs on yourself . regardless of what he does YOU will be okay . Louise
I attend Alanon Mtgs twice a week and also go to an AA meeting whenever I get the chance and can convince a friend to join me... I'm fine going to the Alanon mtgs alone, but for some reason have a tough time attending the AA mtgs alone and they have actually helped me to learn a lot also about this disease.
The combination of this board, Alanon mtgs and AA mtgs have made a huge impact on my life, and my recovery!!
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean that they don't love you the best way they know how
Makes me happy to know you shared some great time with your bf. sometimes we end up with no good memories of our A. I find it so much easier that I do.
Sounds like too, you are really watching things and thinking about them. I agree with Abbyal, f2f is important. Keeps us centered and close to our alanon skills.
Sounds like you did the next right thing for yourself. So glad the outcome was good. I do find that when AH is sober his thoughts are more clear and the time we share is much more enjoyable. So glad you were both able to clear the air and wipe the slate clean. Bravo on setting the boundaries with him and making them clear, saying without saying mean. You never know you may end up having a long-term close friend out of this. Keep working on you, you are doing great. Hope he sticks with it too, it will bless his life tremendously. Wanting to have a crystal ball.... I can relate to that feeling too. Honestly, there is nothing any psychic or soothe sayer can tell anyone for sure. HP is all knowing and all powerful, what will be will be. So, I just keep telling myself I'm on a need to know basis right now, and that's o.k. Let Go and Let God work the miracles.
Peace to you, Twinmom~
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"The people who don't mind matter and the people who mind, don't matter". (Dr. Seuss)
Let Go and Let God work the miracles.