How do you... - Al-Anon Family Group

Tiger2006 · ~*Service Worker*~

How do you...

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((((Tiger))))),

I have to ask myself would I treat another human being the way I treat myself? There are days when if treated a friend like I treat myself I would be a friend no longer to myself. Does that make sense? weirdface

I remind myself that recovery means taking care of me. It's part of working my program. Recovery is about taking back your life. I also make sure I take Piper Kitty days. For those of you who don't know what they are, they are do anything you want out w/o the guilt. If cats and dogs can have days when they want to be lazy, do anything, then why can't we? Sometimes it's not so easy, so I steal a Pipers Kitty hour or 2. And true I don't bring home the moles, mice or chipmunk bleh , but if I want to eat a pint of ice cream, why not?

Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty biggrin

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

I verbally tell myself that it is ok NOT to be perfect.
I remind myself that EVERYONE makes mistakes.
I write a letter of Amends to ME, saying it's ok that you are an "over achiever", and you are allowed to take the day off.

And if I'm beating myself up - I try to stop, breathe & remind myself that beating myself up never really accomplished anything - It doesn't help or add to anything.

Take care of yourself Tiger - You are the only one we have!!

Peace,
Rita

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

DO I give myself a break? Cut myself some slack? Of course I do. It is silly not to. Let me put it to you this way Tige: Do not try to teach a pig to sing. It isn't going to work, and you are going to annoy the pig!! In other words, you need not expect total perfection. You won't get it, and others will be annoyed that you expected it in the first place. Go with the flow and allow yourself the pure joy of not demanding; from yourself or others. Then sit back and look at how well things work out.

Hope I have not sounded too trite. Allow yourself to live! We aren't here long enough not to give ourselves a break. Frequently.

Diva

lin0606 · ~*Service Worker*~

I do think it has a lot to do with getting rid of the idea that perfection is achievable. "I don't have it right yet, but if I work and work and work, someday I will really 'get' it". This is just not true. With a lifetime of recovery, analysis, and hard work, we will still all be human, with some really big flaws.

And that's OK - there is a lot of 'give' built into the system.

My teenage daughter is just now reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" and she is using her brother's school copy, with the notes that he made in the margins while he was studying it. This has opened up her mind to the fact that there are deeper meanings to some things in the novel. So now, she is driving herself and me nuts, trying to 'get' everything. "So what does this mean...." "How come this...." "How come that..." Last night I said to her "The reason it is a great novel, is that it is impossible to 'get' everything in it. People get things out of this book that even the author never put in. There are many parts that I don't understand, that your teachers don't understand, that you will never really get. This is GOOD, the fun is in working at it, continuing to gain insight." In many ways, life is exactly the same.

I think I get as many crazy, irrational, paranoid, etc thoughts coming into my head now, as I did when I was sickest. The diffrence is - then, I would catch them, coddle them, find another for them to pair up with and have babies. I would nurture them and feed them and allow them to take over my mind. Now, I mostly go "Oops, another crazy thought" and let them fly right back out.
I am never going ot be free from fear, from self doubt, from irrational responses to things that happen to me. With recovery, the best I can hope for is to recognize these when they start to happen, and not let myself be disabled by them.

Lunamoth · ~*Service Worker*~

I had to accept that I am more than my accomplishments. More than all the things I "do". I am deserving just because I am -- not because I "do" If that makes any sense at all.

Take away all the things you do that you think define you and what do you have -- I use to say nothing. I thought that the more I did the more I was...this is futile thinking, it'll wear you out. It is an unachievable goal -- and whose stick are we using to measure with anyhow?

Acceptance that you are more than your accomplishments, deserving just be cause you are. Sit on a beach (if ones close by) do nothing, think on this. I will tell you we love you -- and it has nothing to do with your accomplishments -- you need to find that same love for yourself.

It is good to have goals, just don't let them define who you are -- you are so much more.

((((((lots of hugs to you))))))

Luna

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.