The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dealing with loss has been in my life lately. I have lost my alcoholic husband of 22 years to this terrible disease, I have lost a very good friend with a misunderstanding and now Im forced to deal with the death of my baby brother in law.
While loosing my husband to this disease is a difficult thing to deal with I do understand its a disease and he must hit bottom in order for him to deal with it. I know everyones bottom is different and he just hasnt hit his yet. Im praying that he will find his way and regain his life back for his and our childrens sake.
The loss of the good friend was with a misunderstanding but, if she chooses to stay away I know I cant do anything about that. Its too bad that she happened to be my confidant and someone I trusted completely.
The loss of my brother in law is the one Im having a very difficult time dealing with. He passed 21 months ago at the tender age of 28 in a motorcycle accident. He was a prime example of someone that loved life and lived it to the fullest. He had many hard ships but was able to over come most of them. His loss had come back up to the surface for me because, his employer had a memorial service for him yesterday and I realized by some of the tributes that were given that I was not the only one that thought of him as a very special young man.
I know that I will get through all of this in time with the help of my HP and good friends by my side. I ask for your prayers of strength to help me get through it as painless as possible.
Sorry you are going through so much loss. I can sympathize with you. Especially on that second loss you talked about.
The best thing for me is to dig deeper into the tools the program has given me and to look for the beauty and love around me every day.
I have been outside all morning "lovingly" taking my old 68 Dodge apart so I can have her repainted. I came in here to get away from a frustrating antenna base that wont come loose!
Gonna head back out there now and see if HP loosened that sucker up a bit while I have been in here!
((((((Shadow)))))) I'm so sorry for your heartache of losing your brother-in-law. That's a hard one. Death is always difficult to deal with and, yes, reminders bring it all up again.
"When it rains, it pours" is something I heard when I was a child, but I didn't understand it until later. Sometimes, it seems to be true when so many negative things happen so close together.
As for the friend, misunderstandings happen. If she's a good friend, and I hope she is, she'll keep your sharings confidential. Sometimes, turning it over to HP and giving it a little space, if it's meant to be, there can be a reconciliation.
I'll send prayers your way too . . . I'm also dealing with loss on a couple of fronts. I've found that deliberately letting go, imagining my hands opening to release whateveritis helps me relax into the grief and not fight it. It doesn't overwhelm me, and then it passes (until the next time :D ).
Also be sure to welcome the beauty and good stuff, it's still happening all around us all the time, in spite of our personal tragedies. Hearing that "life goes on" during a tragedy seems superficial and dismissive . . . but it isn't, it's true. Whether we want to move along with it or not, off life goes and we go with it.
Take care of yourself, eat and drink and sleep. I like David's idea of finding something to love on! Go love on someone or something!
I am so sorry about your brother-in-law. I have such a hard time understanding the death of young ones. What a gift that you thought the world of him and I'll just bet that he appreciated your kindness and love.
Keep us close by Lady, we love ya, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
You know you have prayers and support in here.. We arn't perfect, but we always try to be here for you....
Relase yourself back into the fold of your Al-Anon family......Let the love be shown to you, as you know It can be... And do not go this path on your own.....You have NOTHING to prove to anyone, least of all yourself........
People come in and out ouf our lifes for reason's..Well I struggle with that statement..... Let the friends you still have comfort you, in your time of need..
You are in my prayers (((((((Shadow))))))))). I am so sorry for the losses you are feeling. Just know you are loved and you make a positive difference in my life and the lives of countless others.
I know how you feel about the reminders. I lost my 2 nephews/sons last year to this horrible diease. They were 18 and 22. The 18th died on Mother's day. It takes all that i can do to get up right now. I just keep telling myself he would not want me to lay in bed and do nothing.
Ever time i see someone ready to graduate from high school it hits again. He was buried a week to the day of his high school graduation.
I just try to focus on our good times and with my Hp I can make it.
Shadow, thank you for trusting us to confide your grief and loss. It's difficult to know what will comfort another person ... my hope is that you will sleep better and better, that your appetite (for food and other nourishing things in life) will not be blunted for long, and that you may have the time and energy to process this as it's happening instead of having to set it aside due to pressing duties.
One thing that was suggested when I lost a family member who was 23 was to do for others the things I would have done for her if she had been with me still and to do the things that I could that she might have done. Neither of those ways of acting was easy for me ... but I find them great medicine for my broken heart. I hope you will find things that serve as great medicines for healing the tender spots.
(((((((((((((((((((((((shadow))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so so so so so sorry to hear about your loss.... Pleases know that you are in my prayers for healing... I love you sweetie and I am by your side in spirit but if I lived in Canada I would be on your porch giving you hugs!!!!!
I will pray for you for sure and you can pray for me. Just lost my former Mother In Law who was very special to me. At one time she offered to take me for her own when I didn't want to leave my island home for the mainland when my family moved to SF. She was an inspriational woman and influence in my life. She was kind, generous, loving, understanding, loyal and all those other positive things I needed to be raised in. She knew me all my life and was giving birth to my former wife in the same hospital on the same day and time as I was being born. She loved me more than her daughter did!! Her name is Ruby and she will be with me to guide me as long as I breathe and call on her.
I also have a son-in-law that is heading for Iraq...this one is very painful. I force myself to live in the present and not project doom into the future. He is a great person, an asset to the family, a very good husband and father to two grandsons.
I ask my Higher Power to stand with you and shelter you in His Aloha and compassion.
Sometimes I get caught up in the sadness of what could have been with the lives that have been lost here recently in my life, then I have to remember what that gave -- why it is that they were so special. What they gave was a gift -- something I get to keep and carry with me. I am grateful for it -- and the more that I think of it this way, the more I smile.
Hang in there, feel what you are feeling, there really isn't a time limit on the grieving process. You are in my prayers
(((shadow)))) prayers are coming your way. Sorry to hear that you are going thru all of this. Sending you big hugs and love. your friend in recovery, rosie
My sympathies on your losses. Sometimes there is no reason to why things happen. I shake my head in disbelief when the life of ones so young are taken away. It's when I question HP the most. The only thing I can tell you, having suffered many losses is that at some point I start focusing on the good that person was and how they lived their life. I use them as an example of how I should live mine. No they weren't perfect, but neither I am. But when I stop and think about their life and the lessons they taught me and others, somehow the pain subsides and the serenity begins. Remember they are always close to you because they are still in your heart.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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.... Let the friends you still have comfort you, in your time of need..
