All,
I went back to the "how alanon works for families and friends of A" page 36, "sharing" and was reminded how I need to share both my pain my ESH.  For
a long time, I felt like I had no ESH, especially with alcohol.  I would like to share about my many months of pondering, analyzing, and struggling with what I should do in order not to get angry when faced with an evening of Active A at home.  During an active A episode, I would always fall back on my anger.
Underneath all that anger was a bunch of insane thinking along the lines of 1) I have ruined my life by making a poor choice in marriage, 2) I will have damaged the
emotional health of my children by choosing to allow alcoholism in my life.
3) while looking at the AH talking gibberish, I become so crazy with anger that i can't think straight.  Anyway, this is what is taking place in my head during active A.  I also obsessed over the options and what I should be doing to
set boundaries and take care of myself including go to a hotel, leave him completely, the list goes on.  Last night, he didn't come back home till late after a big work celebration (with alcohol of course).  I knew I would get angry if I decided to interact with him that late at night.  Instead I went to sleep early in our guest bedroom.  Yes. He did knock on the door which woke me up but I knew I didn't have to respond.  My evening was peaceful, I had very little if any anger (thank you god), and I was able to sleep.
I am grateful that a simple solution of going to sleep in another room gave me peace and that I didn't have to resort to yet another evening of anger, obsession in leaving my marriage, etc.  I suppose I am also keeping the knowledge that nothing I do will impact him and his alcohol.  Perhaps I will eventually be able to cope with emotional detachment and not have to physically separate myself from him as I did last night, but I am not there yet.
Easy does it applies.
Many thanks all. 
Goldie