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After so many years of putting up with AH and his abuse and neglect. I am finally divorcing him. After so many years of being miserable I had finally been happy and relieved. I had reconnected with a wonderful man from my past, who treats me so well and makes me happy. Of course as usual the other shoe has to drop. Ah cannot "allow" me to be happy. He discovered I was spending time with someone and al hell has broken loose. Now him and that psycho mother of his are doing whatever they can to rewrite history. He is making it so ugly that I had to get an attorney. He has decided that this man and not AH drinking or abuse is the cause of our marriage breaking up. He is turning this divorce into a "dog and pony show". he is trying to drag everyone and anyone into court and naming my friend as a partner in adultery. All of a sudden he has portrayed himself as the innocent victim, with a saint for a mother. He has twisted past events to make me look uncaring and wrong. It seems like I have no rights. Because I never pressed legal charges on him I can't prove anything. My boys had to give up little league because AH is up there trying to be daddy of the year and calling me names and telling anyone who will listen how I left him for another man. It made my sons uncomfortable and they kept coming home crying. So I pulled them out. I know none of this is true. I know why I want out, and so does any otehr sane person, but it does not stop him. Now my attorney has said I must sever all ties with my friend. I'm not saying it was right to get involved with someone before the divorce was final, but this man is also my friend and confident. He has given me a shoulder to lean on or cry on. He has helped me every step of the way with this. Now becasue of the fact that my A, wants to be the victim (suprise, suprise). I cannot have him in my life. My A is insisting that I have cheated on him for years, that he has been the perfect husband and I am the one in the wrong. His Mother is worse than ever, and I am keeping my children from both of them becasue of the maliciouse things they are saying. She wants paternity tests on all of my children. Fine, but instead of wasting money on that, my AH doesn't work and until the divorce is final is not helping support them. You would think she would put the money to that use instead. Once again, her son doesn't have to face up to the consequenses of his actions, Mommy is excuseing it and that spineless so and so is loving it. He tells me he wants to go to Marriage counseling now. We have tried it so many times. I don't want to anymore. I am no longer in love with him. I just want out! Not becasue of anyone else, but becasue I deserve better. Because I am tired of the merry go round. All I want is to be free and have peace, and he is still trying even harder to make me miserable. Why can't he leave me be? He doesn't want to be married to me, he wants mommy, he just thinks I am a possession and wants to hang on to me. I hate this, and it isn't fair. I have taken a back seat to his drinking and his motehr for so long, I'm done, but he refuses to let it be peacefully. Now he is taking once again, something that makes me happy. He desroyes everything he touches and I thought I could break free, but now I see, he'll never leave me alone.
Jeannie, I am so sorry this has happened to you, and there is nothing I can do but listen and pray for better times for you and your dear children. I seems you cannot catch a decent break. When you finally get out of all this...and you will...your life will be your own to live. I do honestly believe no judge in his/her right mind would not be able to see through all the trickery from AH and "mommy." You have always been so strong, and you are called upon to be so once more. Happiness and your friend are waiting for you. Have faith and hang tough.
Love to you,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
That is such a mess, and I am sorry to hear it has come to that.
I will share one thing with you. My wife goes through periods where she starts to take responsability for what is happening around her... until anything - I mean ANYTHING, comes up that she can point at and say ... no, THIS is why all this is happening.
It is unfortunate for you and your kids, but in my experience... it will happen, but it will pass. Sometimes, like now, you may have to fend for yourself to contain the consequenses, but it will pass.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
All I can do is send all the love and prayers I can. I'm sorry things are so rough for you and the kids. Try to keep in mind how sick your A is (sober or not). He can't stand to see you happy in any way because he can't find that happiness in himself. So he'll take it out on you unfortunately. You know in your heart what a wonderful person and mother you are. You know the truth. As hard as it is to sever ties for a while with your friend, I have the feeling all will work out in the end. Hang in there sweet lady. You deserve a wonderful happy life. You will get it. This I truly believe. Meanwhile we'll always be here for you.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
P.S. Tell the future ex mother-in-law to go jump in the lake! Who needs her.
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I can so relate to your share. Unfortunately, however, I don't have much wisdom my friend. In my situation, two was company and three was a crowd. You brought me back. For the best of my family, I let go of the "crowd" It just made my life a lot easier and that was what I was aiming for.
Wishing you the best, keep us close by, yours in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I was married for 14 yrs to a non drinker but my divorce was the same as yours! exactly ! mother in law too! except my own mother chose to side with my x. It took a uear to go to court for the divorce and custody battle. Guess what? I prayed alot for God to help me get through this and let the truth come out! Well my prayers were answered! My x mother in law got on the stand first and made a fool of herself and my x.. When she was done the judge told both lawyers to find a way to settle. I got everything that I wanted from the begining. So don't give up on Faith in God ! He will take care of you ! Oh yeah, the guy that I started dating after our seperation ia an A ! I just ended it with him after 2 years! Keep Praying cause God hears Everthing !!!!!!!!!!
Remember that MIL will be having a feeding frenzy with all of this as she finally has what she wanted all along and that is your ex husband all to herself. You will get through this chicken. You have had other things thrown at you and bounced back. You have virtually raised all those kids on your own. As for the new man in your life if he loves you enough he will stand aside as the attorney suggests until it is safe to be back in the picture. There is no reason you have to cut all ties just be discreet. Happiness is there for the taking unfortunately you are going to have the s..t before you get to the sugar but it will be worth it. Keep posting let off all the steam here we can take it. Lot of luv Leo xxx
Oh Jeannie, geez. I remember things from wayyyyy back when, that you shared.
I suppose mommy is paying for his attorney. I would not stop seeing my friend. What does that have to do with anything? What do you have he can take?
He is not going to look so hot when you show he has not supported the kids, show he has dui's does he? Anything that shows he has the terrible disease, use it.
Remember we can only control ourselves and change us. The disease is still pulling you into the pit. If you can do your best not to allow it to pull you into the drama. Allow your attorney to take care of it. That is why we pay them. Go on with your life and your kids lives.
When he talks about you, it makes HIM look bad not you. My friend went thru the same kind of thing. The people who listen are not worth anything anyway. Gossip is not done by good people.
find other activities for the kids. oh I am really feeling anger at him as I can see your kids in my head. But I KNOW they are big kids now!!
Remember the kids will watch you and look to you for help and direction. Remember he is very sick. Maybe tell them daddy has a sickness in his brain, and grama does too.
My kids tell me now they never liked my A's mommy! I would say, ok lets go, go give Grammystella a kiss. They HATED it. I didn't know...
Hey girl in his mom's defense,he has told her terrible things about you that you don't even know I bet.
It shocked the heck out of me when I found out what m A told others... Made me very veryhurt too.
Please do your anti stressors, have fun with the kids, do simple things go for drives, go walking in places where they can explore. go camping.
The more you guys are happy, the less power he has over you.
Don't forget your hp!!!! put your lives in his hands.
Oh Dear Jeannie, I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hey Lady, you've made it this far, you'll make it!! I just know you will. I went through much the same with my ex, it was a very nasty divorce. You are a WONDERFUL person, Jeannie. He just can't stand the thought of not having anyone to walk over and degrade! My ex even joined my church! He wanted everyone to know what a wonderful person he was! Well, I'll tell you, he put on quite an act, and had people fooled for a while, but his true colors came through, and I don't think there's one person in this whole town that would give him the time of day now. He even bought the house across the street so he could harrass me the rest of my life! Some-one asked him one time if it wasn't a little too close to me? He said," She's right in the sights of my 303". Dontcha think that didn't spread around like wildfire!! Give him enough rope, he'll hang himself! People aren't as dumb as he likes to think, after all, where was this wonderful Daddy all these years the kids were in sports, concerts, etc.?? My son was home sick from school one time, and ex didn't know it. He thought I was here alone, and came to harrass me. We yelled and screamed, and just as son was coming down the stairs, I told ex, "You might have the people around here fooled, but I pointed to the sky, and said you don't have HIM fooled! He left then, and I put my hand through the window in the door, I was soooo mad! Son has never forgotten that moment. It looks like it isn't going to be easy, but hang in there girl, we're all rooting for you, and don't forget, no matter what he and mommy say, anyone who knows you, knows you are a wonderful and very special person! (BTW, I'm still with the man I started seeing before he divorce was over, 10 years later.) If your friend even has a hint of what a nice person you are, he'll wait for you, if he doesn't, maybe he wasn't worth it? Jeannie, I haven't seen much of you lately on here. Maybe I haven't been on at the right time, but please don't crawl into a shell. We're here for you, just as you have always been here for us. Remember, it's a safe place to vent, and we can sure relate and understand what you are going through, Love you girl, TLC PS. now ex lives thousands of miles away!
