(((MIP Friends)))

I am realizing now just how precious my peace and serenity is and somedays I have to fight to keep it intact.  Last night I met with a real estate agent to discuss putting my condo on the market.  This is plan B finally coming into action.  Everything was going well until AH walks in the door unexpectedly.  So I didn't make a big deal about it in front of the agent, just introduced him and the poor agent went through the whole shpiel (sp) twice.  After he left, my AH says with great urgency I have to talk to please come on the back porch.

So he proceeds to go through this story about his day, how great his new job is, how its a career not a job, how wonderful the company is blah, blah, blah.  Great right!?  Then he says his landlord at the halfway house told his senior RA tonight that my AH had to either come up with 150.00 that night or leave.  The program manager wanted AH to quit his great new job and go work at the labor pool to make 50 bucks a day to pay for some of his back rent. 
AH said no absolutely not!! I'm not quitting my job.  So he calls his mother and asks for the $150.  She agreed to spot him that money because she felt quitting this job doesn't make sense. 

My AH says I don't want to borrow the money from my mother, I should just be able to move back home and maintain sobriety here.  I felt bullied and manipulated once again to make a decision I am not ready to make.  It has only been a month.  Might I add, my credit and my home are having to be sacrificed due to his out of control behaviors and addictions.  I was able to maintain my composure, but on the inside I felt peace and serenity slipping away.  As I posted earlier last week setting boundaries and enforcing them is not my strong suit, but I did it.

I called the program director to hear exactly what was going on.  Why?  A's lie, and I felt I needed to make an informed decision not based on pure emotion and misconstrued perceptions that my AH gets quite often.  Program Manager said AH has had almost a month and while his predicament is not entirely his fault but caused by some forces beyond his control, the board of directors does not allow a tenant to be in the hole for that much.  He said AH had some days that he could have been working at the labor pool, but instead chose to stay home.  He said he would not ask parents or spouses for the money and feels AH should man up and take care of his responsibilites by quitting fabulous job and working day labor. 

I spoke to his mom too, she agreed to give the money, but feels AH made a committment to six months of program in the halfway house and should follow through with it.  Not enough change has happened in a month.  I cannot take the chance of bringing him home now and then great job turns into another lost job and the excuses begin pouring out and before you know it he's back to using drugs and alcohol and I'm asking him to leave.  I'm not putting myself or the kids through it. 

I realized last night AH will use whatever manipulation tactics he has up his sleeve to get what he wants.  He spins some great stories, and turns wonderful times into cheap moments.  He left very upset and I was left with exhaustion.  I see now that the chaos that I have in my life is not from my behavior although I made some bad choices too, but when chaos enters now it is usually the A. 
So I'll need to let him know that he can't just come over causing these problems, everyone had a bad night last night after he left.  He can't just come over especially if I'm trying to show the property.  Boundaries, Boundaries, and more Boundaries.  O.K. God I get it!!!  So I'm making coffee this morning, and it hits me, AH is just using the same old coping skills he's always had.  In the past his manipulation, threats, hurtful words have worked like a charm.  He pours on the guilt and I would just slop it up and give in.  Thank you HP for giving me such wonderful revelations!!!!  I don't have to give in!!! I don't have to be controlled by his threats, by his quick tongue that is so willing to cut me down and make me look like the wicked b*%$# of the west!!!! 

I have not abandoned him as he so he quickly added, I'm just not going to rush and rescue him because he gets himself into trouble.  Welcome to life, it can suck... everyone else just deals with it.  Time for him to deal with it.  I thought to myself if he wants to divorce me because I no longer rescue and enable then so be it.  That wasn't me loving him in a healthy way anyhow.  Now I'm loving in a healthy way, but finally protecting me, my peace, my serenity, my sanity. 

Thanks for listening, hope everyone has a blessed day with lots of peace and serenity.

Twinmom~