The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Life without my husband has been difficult. I miss him so much but know that I am doing the right thing not allowing his disease to rule my life. I havent seen him for over a week although I have spoken to him. I hear his voice and chills go up my spine. Will the love ever go away? Or at least the chills subside ? I wish things could be differently but they cant and I know it..
I don't if for me the feeling of "love" ever subsides. I still smell Dad's colonge and the heavy feeling in my stomach comes back. but I also know that for me that, any more, I don't get all emotional basket case. I think also have come to see that as time has gone on that I can see the good times and bad and learn to appreaciate the good times and let go of the bad.
My A can still make me feel like a giggling school girl -- I hate that he can do that LOL. Does it go away...I don't know. What I do know is that I chose to live in reality. No more fantasy for me. I had to look at what was real, how it affected me and the kids. I had to say "This is what I want....but this is what is real" and move forward.
Have I given up hope? No, I have no crystal ball. My A might find sobriety tomorrow. I'm just not waiting, hoping, or expecting it to happen. Acceptance that he is who he is has helped me so much. Accepting that things aren't what they COULD be and that "at this moment in time" it is what it is -- leaves room for future change, but keeps me in the reality of today.
I will tell you it gets easier. You are in my prayers.
