First,thank you to you guys who responded to my "D" word post earlier today. It truly has helped. I also wanted to share about something I read today that really shed some light, really brought my situation into focus. It spoke of the elusiveness of an A and how they can disappear, and no matter what you decide to do - separate, divorce, re-marry, whatever -, he'll still want to be with you and start coming around "wooing" you again when you don't want them around, when you're not over him yet. Their alcoholic radar senses know just when and what to do. That's how they keep you bonded to them.They want to be with you but before long, they start their junk again.  I think that this is what's been happening with my A and I in a way. He's sober now ( I think) in AA but he was on that long binge a couple of months ago so as far as I'm concerned he's barely "scratched the surface" of himself. But I know that he wants us to stay married even though we've been separated for 7 mos., he still refers to me as his wife, showed affection,he still (or was) takes care of some things around the house, he gives me money, he acts like he's still here, blah,blah, blah, BUT he doesn't want to fully stay here OR talk about what is or was wrong, where do we go from here - nothing! He wants to stay where he's been staying and have everything stay the way it is forever. I told him last night that it seems like he wants ME to think he wants to stay married but he doesn't want anyone else to think so. It doesn't make sense to me and he won't talk. He told me he doesn't want to be miserable!!!!
Does he think I want to be??? I told him I did not want any more misery either!
The nerve!( I was mad) Acting like I've been the source of his misery! He says I was a controller but check this out: the bill collectors have been calling here 100 times a day for him (NOT my bills. All his) and, while I don't answer the phone, it's annoying. So the other day I decided I don't need to put up with that - it's not me they're looking for. So I gave them my A's cell# and asked them to get my # out of their computer. When my A started to get the calls, he said that was an example of my controlling!!!! I don't get it. In fact, I told him I was learning NOT to control and this was one way I was doing it - by not taking care of his business. He can have his bill collectors, they have nothing to do with me! He had no response to that! Why in the world would would I want to be annoyed by people looking for him. Get going! I have not heard from him at all today but I expect I will before too long. It had been me initiating calls but he will this time because I said I wanted out. His alcoholic radar antennae is up. And he'll be Mr. Nice Guy and all that. But I see that while he may be in AA, he still is only treating one part of the problem which is to not drink. His behavior says he's not dealing with all the rest of his problem ( the story of our lives)And I have to say that I have had a good day after all, not stressed and pacing the floor, listening to the clock tick, watching candles burn. I thank you all!!!.....jaja