The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One of the things about the A's actions that bothered me the most was that at the same time as he was demanding I take care of him and put him first he was always putting me last. The latest example of taking in the homeless couple is one of them. He told me last Wednesday he felt overwhelmed by their needs and could not say "no" to them. At the same time he said "no" to me daily whenever I had a need. He was and is always in "all or nothing" day and night. Of course I put up with it. While I protested I did not set limits. I never walked away till now. I walked away once or twice went to stay in a motel. I said no once or twice, if I said no to one of his friends he always punished me.
Of course coming from where I have been where I was manipulated, used, abused, lied to, ostracized, dumped on and more, I am used to that dance. I have to remind myself daily that I do not need to participate anymore. I also have to remind myself that I am only in for more of the same if I engage with him on any level. His disease won. I feel like I lost but I didn't really I surrendered.
It sounds like you are crystal clear as to what you need to do !!! Good for you ! You are absolutely right we DONT deserve it ... I cant figure out why I thought I deserved the treatment that he gave me and I still miss him :( go figure...
I am so happy that you are on the path of recovery for YOU !
No my friend, you didn't lose, you won yourself back!! I know it is really really hard right now, but don't forget. there are a lot of people who love you that are rooting for you! Love, TLC
I completely understand where you are coming from. My AH has always put me last. Behind everyone else in his life. He would stay gone all day until late at night "helping" his friends w/whatever project they had going on. But never, not once, did he and his friends come over to our house to do any of the projects we needed done. Then one day, when his friends were not available to bail him out of jail, he complained how he had done so much for them and they are not returning the favor. Well, duh. That is how I feel. I do and do and do for my AH. I cater to all of his needs and I got nothing in return.
I am proud of you for recognizing your situation and taking steps to correct it. Take care of yourself.
