The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi guys, just wanted to share this letter with you that I wrote to my husband (currently in jail) a couple weeks ago. I changed the names to protect the guilty...LOL
Dear Alcoholic/Junkie,
This letter has been a long time coming and has taken me a while to get to writing.Im so glad that I came to pick you up when you got out of jail in Myrtle Beach and we had that night together.It has changed my whole perspective and attitude about you and about me and the direction my life was going.I realized that night that you are going to kill yourself.I cry about you all the time, still, even though I cant be with you you break my heart every day.I love you so much, I know that I will never love anyone the same way that I love you not to say that Ill never love again, but it will never be the same as what we have.
All the bitterness and resentment left me that night and all that is left is acceptance.Acceptance of the fact that you are going to kill yourself and theres nothing that I can do about it.Acceptance of the fact that my children will probably never have their father.Acceptance of the fact that this is the life you have chosen for us.For yourself, for me, for the children.Because of your choices, I am a single mother with three children completely alone with no one to rely on but the people that I build relationships with from here on out.Because of your choices, they will live in poverty for their entire childhoods and have to live with the fact that their father chooses to do drugs and drink rather than be a parent, to steal from people rather than work, to go to jail rather than be responsible for his own life.I know that many of these situations are because of my choices too, but as with yours whats done is done and all I can do is try to figure out how to make it better from today on.I just want you to understand that it is not just your life you are destroying, it is my life, the lives of our children, and all the other people who love and care about you.Despite everything you have done, everything you have chosen, I still love you so deeply.I have no regrets anymore, just memories of the good times we spent together and sadness for what is to come.
I will get on with my life as I have been for the past nine months and will think of you often and be sad for the choices you have made.Even though we all suffer from your choices, there are lessons to be learned, strengths to be gained and we still have our freedom and our lives.I believe that you will have neither soon and it hurts so much.The last time I saw you I truly believed that I will probably never get to see you again, except perhaps when they ask me to identify your body at the morgue.
As I see it you are forty years old, probably half way through your life and at this rate maybe more toward the end.Its time for you to make a choice and either choose to live or choose to die because this in between isnt working.I dont know what it will take for you to choose life.I have yelled, screamed, cried, begged, loved, hated, bribed, blackmailed, and any other possible thing I could think of to make you choose life - our life together with our children.I know now that there is nothing I can do, theres nothing the children can do, its all up to you.For the past eight months I have been watching you spiral downhill to the point where youre facing prison time and almost killed yourself.What should I tell OUR SON?How can I explain to him that you choose this?How can I keep him from choosing this?How can I raise a son with no father to grow up and be a man?
I dont want you to feel guilty, or ashamed, or sorry for yourself, I want you to see the REAL impact of what you choose.You choose the choice you choose the consequence right?But you not only choose it for yourself you choose it for all of us.
You have the potential to do anything you want to do.You are not a stupid person you are just making stupid choices and now you will have to suffer the consequences as you have in the past.Once that time is gone its gone, never to be returned.You have been given so many gifts in this life and it seems that you would like to return them or throw them away.You have so many great qualities, its hard for me to watch you turn into this when I know what you are capable of.
I just wanted you to know that I will always love you, even though you are not with me.I want nothing more than your happiness!I hope that things go well in court, that you heal fully and most importantly that you choose life.This is not the life you deserve, I love you so much.
Wow Carolina girl. That was a great letter. I see alot of me in there. The way I feel about my AH. I feel so bad for our children. I want to make it through this so bad. I know it is going to take a long time. We are the ones stuck explaining to children who don't understand. I am having a hard time with that.
You have come a long way girl. I tell you. I can't say that I would be even remotely cordial in that exact situation. You are awesome. Some amazing things are going to happen to you and your kids one day. You know why? Because you are so great! You are a fighter! You will come out on top one day and look back at these times and think "Wow, we made it!".
I did see a shift in you that night. I also know for me that there is a "love addiction" at work. When the A is unavailable he is alluring, when he is available I feel merged with him. I have to be so careful to keep separate. He knows he can call and reconcile and I will melt. This time is different though. I have had enough. I remember well when he crashed the truck one time (he has crashed it so many times) he bought a candle as though that was some kind of present for causing several thousands dollars worth of damage. That is why sometimes I wonder how much of the A is out of control he can manipulate so so well.
Very good letter. I hope it see's its way into his heart and especially into his head. Good luck. I'd like to hear his response IF he gives one. Good job on the letter.
