The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new here. My husband is an alcoholic. He has been attending AA meetings and been trying to get sober from what I can tell. He moved out last week. I have so much anger toward him. I worry about him all the time. I am so lost and I dont know what to do. I have 3 children with him.I love him so much but I feel like it is killing me inside. I am afraid tonight he might of fallen off the wagon. He had a bad day and now he is not answereing his phone. I am so scared for him and myself. I don't know how to deal with him or myself most of the time. I have never felt so alone as what I do right now.
Welcome, I am glad that you found this site and Al-Anon. Although our stories are different, they are also the same--we have all been where you are now. You are not alone!!
When I started Al-Anon, the first thing I learned was the 3 C's--I didn't cause my AH to drink, I couldn't control his drinking and I couldn't cure him. The only thing I could do was to start taking care of myself instead of obsessing about what my AH was or wasn't doing, who he was doing it with, why he was doing it, whether he would do it again, when he would do it again...and endless cycle of obsessing and trying to control those around me. If your AH is drinking tonight, remember that it is not your fault--you do not have that much power over him!!
It was only after I let go and admitted that I was powerless over my AH was I able to start to get better and as I got better, those around me did as well.
Keep coming back and posting. You will find alot of experience, strength and hope being shared by the members here. No one here will tell you what to do--only you can make those decisions. But by sharing our lives with each other, we learn different ways to approach the issues we are facing and learn how to have serenity whether the A in our lives is drinking or not.
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Hello Janie and welcome to Al-Anon board ,I hope that u will find real meetings for yourself and your children , there is nothing u can do about your husband he is on his own journey . You need to understand what it is your dealing with and how much it has affected your life and will continue to do so until u truley understnd that this is his problem to fix . There is alot u can do to help yourself Al-Anon will help. YOu need support from people who have been where your at and understand what your going thru , support from people that can pick up a phone on a bad day or go for coffee . I pray your husb is sober tonite and just off talking to his sponsor . Please find help for yourself . Louise
Welcome! You are in the right place for love and support! We have all been where you are in some variation. I know it is hard to hear and hard to understand...but you can't control him! You can only control YOU! Go to a face to face Al-Anon meeting. Meet people in a similar situation. It helps. I didn't think it would, but it did. Regardless, keep coming back here. Read and post. We are here for you!
Aw sweetie, I can remember when I moved out and I felt that way. I also have 3 kids. It's been nine months now and I still feel that way once in a while, but really my life has improved 150%. I was where you are. Things will get easier and better. I don't know you whole situation but I know you're in the right place and you're never alone here!
Thankyou for all of your kind words. I have been to 2 Al-anon meetings. They do help. I haven't found anyone yet that in a similar situation with children and everythig. But I know that they are all going through pretty much the same emotions. Today I am hoping is a better day. A new day a new outlook. I am considering putting my 8 year old in counseling. He has become very angry and is not doing well in school like he was. I think that is a right decision for him. In a way I feel like I can't help him understand because I fully don't uderstand. I have started reading the posts and responses. I am sure I will get good information.
The hardest part for me is to let go of my AH and let him do his own thing. I still want to control but I know I can't and I am still coming to terms with that. It is hard very hard. I want to get to the point where it sounds like alot of you are. I want serenity I want peace I want to be happy with myself again.
He told me he didn't drink last night. All I hae to go on is his word at this point. I don't know if I believ him or not. I have to learn to not let this overcome me wich it has. Posting here will help and reading my book and going to meetings. Thankyou all for caring.
I can relate very much. Last Thursday I went to see my therapist and spent the whole session crying about my fears. The more I put my fear out there and stop internalize it the better it is for me. I still fear the A may not make it. The issue for me is that I am no longer willing to accept responsibilty for his life. I can certainly understand the mixture of emotions you have. The more I can see how "ill" the A is the less I can try to control it. I do not anylonger get into why can't he stop. The fact is he can't and has not been able to for years on end. He surrounds himself with other people who also can't stop. When I do a step one recognize I am powerless over their disease it does help me tremendously not to get suffused in rage, grief and confusion. There is absolutely no sense to their disease at all. What there is for me is this program and the wanting a life of my own, regardless of what he does. I put my whole life on hold for him. I put all my energy into the "relationship" and very very little on me.
Can you invest some time and energy into you. That helped me a great deal. I don't get too far ahead of myself these days. Nevertheless I do "care" about me these days when I didn't before. My depression was deep and impregnabable before this. I do not feel depressed now. I feel sad and angry and oftern times frustrated but it is not all turned inwards in the way it used to be.
