The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was surfing the net looking for inspiration, on how to stop loving someone....lol (if only)
And I found this, I had a few tears in my eye.....
Gives new meaning to "Life is to short"
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, therewere so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl Ji n, do you want to go watch a movie? I asked. I cant Why? You need to study at home? I felt disappointment grabbing me. No I am going to meet a friend He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word love only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say I love you before. To us, there werent any anniversaries at all. He didnt say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days200days Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I dont know why Then one day Me: Um, Jin, I Jin: Whatdont drag, just say.. Me: I love you. Jin: you.um, just take this doll and go home. That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room,one by one. There were many Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But lunch passed, dinner passed and soon the sky was dark he still didnt call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily. Me: Jin Jin: Heretake this Again, he handed me a little doll. Me: Whats this? Jin: I didnt give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. Im going home now, bye. Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is? Jin: Today? Huh? I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted Wait Jin: You have something to say? Me: Tell me, tell me you love me Jin: What?! Me: Tell me I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left. I dont want to saythat I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numband I collapsed to the ground. He didnt want to say it easily How could he. I felt that Maybe he is not the right guy for me After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didnt call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. Thats how those dolls piled up in my room everyday After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that I saw him on a street with another girl He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed meas he touched the doll I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell Why did he gave these to me Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that its going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll. Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came? I couldnt help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he he ld out the doll as usual Me: I dont need it. Jin: What.why I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road. Me: I dont need this doll, I dont need it anymore!! I dont want to see a person like you again! I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking. Im sorry He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!! But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then Honk~ Honk~ With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him. Jin! Move! Move away! I shouted But he didnt hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll. Jin, move! HONK~!! Boom! That sound, so terrifying. Thats how he went away from me. Thats how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him And after spending two months like a crazy person
I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days when we were in love Onetwo three That was how I started to count the dolls Four hundred and eighty four four hundred and eighty five It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly I love you~, I love you~ I dropped the dolls,shocked. I.lo..veyou?? I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach. I love you~ I love you~ It cant be! I pressed all the dolls stomach as it piled on the side. I love you~ I love you~ I love you~ Those words came out non-stop. Ilove you Why didnt I realize that That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didnt I realize that he love me this much I took out the doll under the bed and pressed its stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much JoDo you know what today is? Weve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldnt say I love you. Um since I was too shy If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you everyday till I die Jo I love you The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He cant be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute For that and for that reason to me it became courage to live a beautiful life
Wow. That was so sad and sweet. Some people show love in a different way than what we expect. That is the message I am hearing. Thank you for sharing the story you found.
Wow, Ally, that story gave me cold chills.....eerie! I, too, know very well how it is to love without that love being returned in the way I would like, at times. I have been told that sometimes the A in our lives are unable to express love to us, as they do not love themselves. And sometimes tho they may not show us in the way we would like, they show us the only way they know how. Sometimes that hurts, because it is not enough. Not enough to fill up the void we feel. (((ally))))) Wishing you strength. Sending you love, from me. Love in Recovery, Becky1
