The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is a very old letter that I received from someone in AA uses. I don't know the source; however, this truly helped me to understand that Alcoholism is a Disease not a choice.
Have we met before? If not let me tell you a little about myself. I don't share myself with just anyone. I pick only a chosen few who will appreciate me, and then, only if the timing is perfect. I have chosen you. For people like you are very special to me because it is your kind who are perceptive to my many talents. You'll be very anxious to know me better, and as soon as we touch, the physical attraction between us soars. We'll continue our encounter, with me leading you down a path of pure physical exhilaration, and you'll beg for more.
At first our attraction will be purely physical, but you must realize that this is a very important phase of our relationship. Be confident that it will grow into something much deeper. I am. As we get to know each other better, you'll learn to come to me with your problems: For not only will I help you with them, but I will also take away their deep pain. I'll give you the best that I have, and I'll be patient. I'll know, in time, that you will give yourself totally to me.
When you are with me, you'll feel warm and secure. I will ease your mind, soothe away your troubles, and fill your soul with pleasure. With me, you'll feel as if you can conquer the world: As if you have a special key to happiness. You'll enjoy living again. I'll be the answer to your unspoken prayers. You'll soon wonder how you ever lived without me.
As our relationship grows, you'll start to exclude others from your life . . . but that's okay, you know that I can give you all you need. I'll be your lover, best friend, and confidant. I will always be available when you need me. This I will prove to you time and time again, and you'll realize that you don't need others -- when you have someone like me, all others seem inadequate.
So we'll see more and more of each other and decide that it is really impractical not to live together, so we'll make that move. Our life together will encompass many beautiful experiences. We'll do it all together: Swim in the ocean, picnic on the beach, fly kites; and whenever you feel the urge, we'll make love. Our relationship will be devoid of fights or arguments. I'll give myself totally to you, knowing that I'll receive the same in return.
You'll soon realize that you've dedicated your life to me. It will happen before you know it. I sort of take you by surprise, and you'll wonder if maybe you should take some time alone, away from me. After all, people say everyone needs some time alone, even if they are in love. And face it, you are irrestibly in love with me. So you vow to take some time alone, even though you really don't want to.
You'll start to spend the day in solitary adventure, doing something you've always wanted to do, after a few hours though, you'll find that you're not really enjoying yourself, and realize that you miss me more than you ever thought you could. You'll feel a terrible empty void without me and think about coming back home. It makes you a little angry that you didn't keep the promise to yourself, but you rationalize that you don't have to come back home, but rather you just want to. The whole way home you tell yourself that if you really want to spend the day alone, you could -- you just don't want to.
When you walk through that door, it will fill my heart with pleasure -- for I'd been hoping that you wouldn't spend the whole day without me. You'll come running to me, and I'll take you in my arms and hold you so tightly that it becomes a bit painful, but you won't mind. Though you won't see my face as I embrace you, I'll have a very satisfied smile. For it's the moment I have been waiting for. I've got you right where I want you. You now have no choice. You cannot live without me and I'll love it!!!
It's precisely at this point that you cease to be my lover and become my victim. You see, my ultimate goal is to murder you, and I have begun to do just that. But my methods are slow. I can do it slowly because you won't be able to leave me even though you know that I am killing you. That's the joy of it; the beauty of it! You will make a choice to die, and you'll let me do it.
Do you recognize me yet? You should . . . for you see, this relationship has already taken place between you and I. We are intimately acquainted, and now, I am patiently waiting for you to come back to me. I will follow you and wait for you wherever you go. I can wait forever -- for you see, I am your drug of choice -- alcohol (or whatever other addiction).
Source: Unknown
-- Edited by Maria123 at 05:42, 2007-05-04
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Very cool and powerful post. My first thoughts were that it points out the power of the relationship between the alcohol and the alcoholic. After a bit more reflection, it is also sometime representative of another closely knit, dysfunctional relationship - the one between the alcoholic and ourselves, as their 'significant others'. Many times, the alcoholics in our lives are truly OUR addiction.
Thanks for sharing. Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I am an alcoholic. I did not choose to be an alcoholic, and I believe I was born an alcoholic, based on my own experience and feelings from before I drank, when I drank, and since I quit drinking.
However, I do have a choice whether or not to drink today. If I pick up that drink, I will no longer have the power of choice... and may never get it back. But today, if I choose not to drink, I know I will go to bed sober and wake up sober in the morning and have a fresh choice again.
It's possible I have no power of choice at all, that it's simply God's will that I drank what I did, when I did, and that I stopped when I did, and have stayed sober since. But I believe God gives me that choice every day; if that is not the case - and I really have no way of knowing - then I really have no power of choice at all, I'm merely a witness to God's plan for me, as it plays out entirely under His direction.
Which is it? I don't know. I just know that those who stay sober usually say that they do it one day at a time, by making the choice not to drink.
Thank you again for opening my eyes. As I read your post, I see that this is what has happened to my A. The drinking started so slowly, and now he is isolated with it. He used to be such a happy social person, now he sits on the porch with his true love.
