It seems like quite a few of us have been struggling lately with the consuming thoughts about what the A's in our lives our doing?  Are they drinking/using?  Are they really going to meetings?  Are they really working a program?  Is the AA thing for real?

I say "us" because this is one of my toughest character defects.  Doubt & letting my thoughts be consumed by what THEY are doing. 

Last week & this week, I have been moving stuff from our old damaged house to the new one (don't think I'll ever get finished-lol) and for a split second I thought I would look through my A's dresser for "stuff".  You know, that feeling that you get when you know you're alone and no one would catch you and you're just so sure you could find out the answers to all your questions - You just know you are going to find the "jackpot"

Thanks to my HP sanity took back over - I heard myself say aloud "oh, I don't live that way anymore." 

I realized I was tired and it was time to quit.  Walked back to the new house, took a long relaxing bath & kept saying some slogans to get it off my mind. 
And reminding myself of pg. 131 in ODAT book -

When we hear an Al-Anon memeber say "Detach from the problem," we react in various ways.  We may think rebelliously: "How can they expect me to detach from my own wife  or husband?  Our lives are bound together and I am involved, whether I want to be or not."

That is true, but there are kinds of involvement that can only make our difficulties worse.  We make trouble for ourselves when we interfere with the alcoholic's activities, trying to find out where he is, what he's been doing, where the money went.  Suspicion, searching and prying will only keep us in a state of turmoil and make the situation worse, instead of improving it.  
Today's Reminder:
"What we are meant to know will come to our knowledge without any action on our part"  This is a basic spiritual truth, implicit in our slogan. Let Go and Let God.  When action is really required, as when a crisis happens, we will then be better prepared to meet the emergency.
"He that is in perfect peace suspects no one, but he that is discontented and disturbed is tossed about with various suspicions, he is neither quiet himself, not does he allow others to be quiet."  Thomas A'Kempis.

I'll find out what I need to know, when I need to know it.  Maybe being in the old house triggered some old memories, scars and fears my HP wants to heal - guess I'll wait and see.  But I do know that my old way of thinking and acting can rear it's ugly head in a split second.  I had to walk away.  Knew I didn't have the power to stop myself from acting on those fears, the pull to go back to old behaviors.  My disease calling me back to insanity.  Had to physically remove myself from that situation. 

Learning to let my God show me what I need to know, when I need to know it - One Day at a Time.

Peace,
Rita