The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So yesterday evening I'm dancing around the kitchen singing this song by Diana Ross...having a "I'm feeling really good" moment and celebrating overcoming a few challenges in my life. When my A calls. (if this board had sound effects you'd hear the sound of doom lol)
Have you ever just wanted to be happy, feel good, and know that you can't share that with your A...because they are, in some ways, the reason for the original problem that you are now celebrating having over come? PHEW, that sounds so complicated -- it is and it isn't.
Recently my A has done a few things that made me think he was a little jealous and the 18 yr old in me smiled. LOL Then I came back to 40 -- ouch -- and remembered what that really meant. It meant having to live a life that required constantly being on guard, not giving the appearance of being flirty, looking ect. It meant continually trying to build him up and prove that I wasn't doing anything. Augh. It meant not looking at men and avoiding direct eye contact. This all happened over years and it ties into what I was celebrating in the first place, overcoming dealing with situations that Men usually handle. Hell, I'm proud of myself -- I did good hehehe -- some other time I hope to share with you all why I was dancing in the kitchen.
Today though I'm a little wigged out, my A in the middle of the conversation we were having about a friend becoming a very youthful 45 yr. old grandma, states he thought he saw me leaving a hotel in the middle of the afternoon. Now he said "oh I saw your car...." and this always leaves him the out of saying "I was just kidding" I'm really bothered by this -- and instead of saying oh it's nothing and blowing it off, I'm trying to figure out what I should do with it.
I'm sure none of this makes any sense -- I don't exactly know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just putting it into words will help. I don't like how I feel -- it's old and familiar and I don't like it.
All I know is I'd rather be dancing in the kitchen. Thanks for listening.
I have been living that for years and years. BTW before I forget, I bet you replaced a faucet in your "music studio"....
Here is what I have finally come to. I know what I do... what my intentions are... and I am not responsable for her perinoia (sp?).
When she says something like that, I typically say something like "... interesting I was at work". When she counters with "how do I know that..." or something else accusatory I just say "you don't, but I have no reason to lie".
It's really not our job to "make" them think anything they don't want to believe. I make sure I am telling the truth. She can believe whatever she wants.
Everyone may now resume dancing....
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
Hi Luna , dance on your post made me smile and yeah i remember being happy and A walks into the room and sucks the life right out of it . those days are long gone for me thank God . He just dosent have a vaccum that powerful anymore . As to I thought I saw your car etc if you were there say so ,, if not divert the conversation , that works for me . as you well know once the a has made up his mind there is no changing it there is no reason to explain or justify where u spend your time . I am assuming of course that you are separated from your husb at the moment . Turn up the music and dance Luna Louise
one of the things that I did for myself this morning was I took an "I lost" inventory. All of the things that the incest, alcholism, abuse, all those things that were taken from me. It made a huge difference this morning. Maybe it'll help you to list out what the alcholism has taken from you and what al anon has given you in return. I was able to see that what I have lost has also been replaced. what I have lost has also been given back.
I was dancing in my kitchen just the other day. Crackin myself up. I love the replies to how to respond when being passive/aggresively accused of foolishness. My thought was " Oh I thought that was your car I saw lurking out side my motel window! Brad and I have to meet on the sly so as not to have the media catch us. If you're that interested in me and my love life next time knock!" BUt as I see the other posts that would be the absolute incorrect way of handling it. Now I know. I have been in that situation so many times with my ex ( not with brad pitt in a motel room....or anyone in a motel room). The silliness that he would flipantly accuse me of. Joking ofcourse. Ha. Sometimes not jokingly. His insanity, not mine. And still I miss and love(?) this insane, sick man. Pretty apparent I have alot to learn! So glad you're here.
Thanks for reminding me... I forgot about those feelings, now I look everyone in the eye and hope I can keep that look for as long as possible. Funny. I am with serendipity but I'm a smartass like that...after the original shock and hillarity of the accusation wore off I would have some smart reply. In my case there was always an identifiied individual tho so the Brad story wouldn't apply there. It's funny how someone can make anything seem real by looking to make it real. I remember my husband had STRONG evidence that I had slept with a former client. Never happened but even I was almost convinced LOL.
Our moth is methamorphosing into the most beautiful, light, sprightly, dancing, flittering butterfly, and the transformation is amazing and beautiful to see.
You have come so far!!!!!!!!! You go girl I am so happy for you.
love ya, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I am so happy for you.